caeseria:

prismatic-bell:

razielim:

so @carpedm87 and i were laughing about tumblr sex ed and…

imma help you guys out a little bc tumblr has obviously scared half of y’all into thinking that anal is difficult and fanfiction porn is too clean and that if you use less than a whole cup of lube, you will die

cleaning:

• have a nice, solid poop ahead of time
• that’s it. you’re done
• probably not something anyone cares to read about in a fanfic. ok to skip
• your rectum is empty most of the time anyway
• umm…. enemas sound like overkill to me personally, but i guess if you want to?

lubing:

• use some, i guess. probably don’t use none
• some people prefer more? some prefer less?

stretching:

• idk never heard of her

condoms:

• wear them irl
• up to you whether you include them in fic? im not your moral compass

inserting:

• relax and think about wanting the dick inside you
• your body does the rest
• literally, relax. if you’ve pooped poops the size of the dick, and you’ve used some lube, it’ll fit

the ol’ “one-two-dick”:

• all the fingering stuff is just foreplay that feels good. pleasure helps you relax
• if you don’t need it and you’re psyched about dick without it, ok to skip
• you don’t have to skip it if you like it
• i personally think it’s boring to read 80% of the time. other people will get squicked out if it’s skipped. write what you want

after:

• sometimes your butt is sore?
• sometimes it’s not?
• idk, depends. neither is unrealistic
• irl, wash things that went in your butt with soap and warm water
• in fic, do you want to write about clean up? is it part of the story? if not, laugh at anyone that tries to shame you into including this

that’s it. that’s literally it. go write porn

https://www.squidge.org/minotaur/classic/eroc.html

Time to bring this back, I think. NSFW for demonstration images involving lots of dicks and also a kinks page. If you’re under 18, just don’t click that (and don’t come bitching to me if you do click it and get offended, I told you what was under there).

Fandom younglings, by which I mean anybody under approximately the age of 30, meet Minotaur.

Minotaur, sadly, passed away in 2009. But his friends have ensured his page stays up and lives on. He was a valued member of the early Internet fannish community, and his best-known contribution to it–the one to which I have just linked you–was “I am a gay man, here is how to write gay sex.” You can learn more about him as a person and fandomer here: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Minotaur

And while his famous guide uses very outdated fandom terminology (yep, it still says “slash” all over the damn place), and you can definitely tell the website’s layout hasn’t been touched in–literally–17 years, it’s still a great place to start, and I use it as a resource to this day.

It’s been here for you possibly since shortly after you were born, lovingly crafted for you by a fandom elder. Honor and use it.

Thank God. So sick of the occasional know it all trying to tell me my porn is not written correctly. I actually got this as a comment once : “you can’t do that! That’s a hospital visit!! There would be buckets of blood because you didn’t use enough lube and there was no actual stretching !”

My actual response : “I never write something I haven’t actually done myself. If you’ve had anal, please correct me. No? Okay, go away.”

I hate know it alls. Fuck off and come back when you can speak from experience.