you think being gay is hard??? try telling people youre only attracted to clowns
theres literally no possible response i can make to this where i come out a winner. ive actually never been owned this hard before. i think i legally owe you money now.
This comic has a special guest appearances by my nonbinary friends :3 Sometimes I just go with the cleanest bathroom. or the one that has a wifi signal. or I just go whatever bathroom my friends use, to be safe.
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.
This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.
I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead
Do not just assume that the Democrats are going to win…the only way we can GUARANTEE that the Democrats make gains in these midterms is for people to go out and vote
Whatever the polls say, get out there and vote democrat, whereever you are
Do not just assume that they’ll “Definitely win” and so it doesn’t matter if you go out and vote or not
Remember how many people didn’t vote in 2016 because Hillary was “definitely going to win?”
I’d honestly rather millions of drug addicts get safe opiates from doctors, than a single person with chronic pain go without because of the drug addiction fear mongering in the medical community.
It also decreases the spread of STDs, and so on. There’s endless benefits to it. But uh I guess keep fucking punishing disabled people and addicts because it makes yall feel morally superior or some shit–getting people killed for ideological purity.
Portugal legalized everything, with a couple caveats. If you’re found with (large amounts of, IIRC) drugs multiple times, you get a panel. The panel consists of a lawyer, a judge, and a doctor. Their job is to help you deal with addiction–not PUNISH YOU for having drugs, but help you overcome addiction.
The results? Oh baby, the results are fantastic. Portugal has far less addiction and fewer overdoses than basically anyone else. They’re treating drug problems as medical problems instead of crimes, and it’s absolutely working!
Oh, and America’s opiod crisis? Basically entirely the fault of drug corporations pushing high power painkillers on doctors/patients, including selling oxycontin with a 12 hour dose regimen when studies showed it really didn’t work that long, and refusing to adjust to the science.
And since, oops, it’s highly addictive, people end up getting cut off and then going for street opiods to deal. Instead of, y’know, being properly aided by medical professionals.
America insists on treating drug addiction as a moral failing instead of a medical condition, and it’s killing people.
And now a lot of doctors won’t prescribe them, which fucks over people like me who can’t function without the pain control they provide. And since the pharmacy companies charge an assbutt for oxycontin and for abuse-resistant things like Xtampza, insurance companies won’t pay for them.
wupacing 