For weeks now, I’ve been hearing my neighbors from across the ravine hollering to their young daughter, Natalie. I’ve never seen these people, but the sound carries pretty clearly.
“Nat, get out from under the car, it’s time to go.” “Natalieee! Don’t go peepee in the road sweetie!“ “Oh my god, Josh–get Natalie! She’s running after a deer.”
I’ve been over here like “Holy crap, this kid is wild…bold…fabulous…”
I finally went over to the other side of the ravine today, and in doing so I discovered that Natalie is, in fact, a beagle. I’m crushed.
If it will fit into their face, birds will eat it.
If it will not fit into their face, birds will attempt to eat it anyway, and will likely succeed out of sheer spite and hubris.
People are worried about snakes sizing them up to eat (which they don’t even do, by the way), but snakes are just a spine with a face. Ratites like the cassowary here are basically velociraptors that did not Survive The Apocalypse just to put up with human nonsense about who can eat an apple faster. They can. And you’re next.
have i ever told y’all the story about how a snake knew I was trans years before I did
okay so
my 7th grade social studies/8th grade science teacher (he did both classes. Somehow…) had a snake lovingly named Hisser. Hisser would occasionally be taken out to crawl and he was held by kids and when there were fire alarms Hisser was taken along, usually to his chagrin.
This was one of those days where we had in class work time and most of us were just chilling and so Mr. A got Hisser out and started passing him around.
Every girl student that he came to, he would immediately snuggle up to, wrap around their arms, and get cozy. With boy students, he would just sort of sit in the coiled lump that he’d been handed in. This was true with just about every single student, and Mr. A said that Hisser likes girls a lot better than guys and this has been thoroughly proven by Hisser’s attitude.
Then Hisser was handed to me. He was a loveable cold scaley rope as you would expect, but he didn’t coil around my arms. He didn’t get cozy. He just sat there. And Mr. Anderson said, “Huh. That’s weird. He usually likes girls.”
I passed the snake to my friend and surely enough, Hisser wrapped around her arms and got cozy.
I came out as a trans guy about 7-8 years later, and just recently realized that Hisser was right about me not being a girl all along.
I’ve also decided that whenever anyone asks me “Why I think I’m a boy,” which is my LEAST favorite question ever, I’ll just tell them that a snake told me a long time ago.
This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose
I’m not ready to be a single mom
I know shit about reptiles
I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth
Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer
Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care
I’m googling turtles right now. I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she’s a box turtle?
70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??
You a mom now
Text from stepmom “watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They’ll eat the eggs so chase them off”
I’m gonna fistfight nature
@mrswinterbarnes you’re not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow
I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye??
I don’t think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out
YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA
DAMN IT SHARRON
First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this
Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??
UPDATE
SHES BACK
NEVERMIND
ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE
That’s two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me
wupacing 