professorsparklepants:

chucktaylorupset:

professorsparklepants:

professorsparklepants:

Can we have a Harry Potter AU where Regulus Black is the Death Eater spy turned potions master instead of Snape?

I can’t believe I only JUST realized all the comedy potential that is Sirius showing up to kill Peter 3rd year and finding his supposedly evil brother working at Hogwarts and having civil conversations with Remus about Harry’s grades

Please let this be after a full year of awkwardness of Regulus working with his evil brother’s ex

Sirius and Regulus are both convinced they’re the good brother

whetstonefires:

feynites:

samael:

magic-and-moonlit-wings:

randomthingsthatilike123:

Do you ever think about how when Ron’s wand broke 2nd year, just using spell-o-tape wasn’t enough to fix it. It kept backfiring in ways that were really bad, like making himself eat slugs, or kinda just. being defective in general.

Hagrid’s wand was snapped his 3rd year. But he still uses it, disguised as an umbrella. And it works.

Like we know Ollivander didn’t fix it, since he was surprised to hear Hagrid had the pieces. Not to mention since Hagrid was expelled, it would be extremely illegal to fix it. Hogwarts works as a groundskeeper, and lives in a one room wooden hut that he made himself. He’s not going to have the money to ribe someone to fix it, and then there’s also the fact that because of his heritage, even if he could bribe someone to fix it, they probably wouldn’t. And sure, Dumbledore probably knows that Hagrid fixed his wand, there’s a certain level of deniability there. He wouldn’t have actually gotten involved with the wand mending process. Especially when Hagrid was just accused of killing a student.

So that means Hagrid would have put his wand back together himself.

The 3rd year transfiguration examination was to turn a teapot into a tortoise. Only inanimate objects into animals. Part of the reason animagi are so rare is because they’re human to animal transformations. The first time we meet Hagrid, he gives Dudley a tail, and correctly animates the boat he and Harry are on. Silently.

Harry and co. didn’t even attempt to learn silent casting until 6th year. Anything Hagrid learned after 3rd year would have been self taught.

Hagrid is one powerful wizard and holy shit combined with his resistance to magic with his giant heritage forget McGonagall holy shit Hagrid is terrifying

No wonder sixteen-year-old Voldemort was intimidated enough by thirteen-year-old Hagrid to pick him as the one to frame for murder.

Woulda been nice if the media had explored wordless magic more deeply, since the first spells we ever see use it.

Hagrid defeating Voldemort would have been one hell of a plot twist.

So, AU in which Hagrid didn’t get framed for murder and expelled. We’ll say Aragog never happened and Tom settled on a different fall guy. Myrtle dies and Riddle gets away with it, but Rubeus is not a casualty of the plot.

His written coursework was never going to be great, even if he hadn’t been orphaned at age twelve, but his practical casting gets more noticeably excellent, the more the spells they’re learning benefit from having more power behind them.

Dumbledore made a teacher’s pet of him from the beginning, because he wants to see the half-giant kid Dippet almost didn’t let in succeed, so he’s always worked hardest in Transfiguration. Once Albus notices there’s actual potential here, he keeps assigning him different tutors trying to find someone who can get transfiguration theory into his head because once this kid figures out what the hell he’s doing he’s really good. He starts taking all the kid’s detentions and assigning them as tutoring sessions.

Toward the end of fourth year he tries Minnie McGonagall, a prefect who is ironically in detention for cursing a Slytherin prefect during an argument about politics.

Rubeus gets five OWLs and the Transfiguration score is actually pretty high. The next year, he turns out to be a natural at nonverbal casting. His DADA scores climb steadily.

The summer before Rubeus’ seventh year, his Transfiguration Professor goes to Europe and defeats a Dark Lord. When he comes back, everyone is incredibly excited to have the Conqueror of Grindelwald among them and keeps praising him and thanking him and telling him how proud they are and how proud he must be to be such a hero.

Rubeus is the only one who seems to notice that his favorite teacher seems really, really sad. He bakes him an inedible cake. Albus finds himself smiling and meaning it for the first time in at least three months after he nearly breaks a tooth on it.

Where has one of his favorite students been spending the summers since second year, anyway? Do wizards have their own orphanages? Did Hagrid’s father have relatives that put him up?

(It’s 1946, there aren’t a lot of government regulations covering this kind of thing even for Muggles yet, and the situation of ‘homeless orphan who spends nine months a year at boarding school’ is unprecedented in my experience because those usually cost money.)

Rubeus gets three NEWTs: Transfiguration, DADA, and (with flying colors) Care of Magical Creatures. He gets a job with the winged-horse breeders. Offends the young Abraxas Malfoy by being Entirely Too Large and Not Human and In his Stables. Gets fired. He gets a job at the Welsh Green reserve out west. Gets attached to a particular elderly dragon scheduled for slaughter. Gets fired.

Manages a position at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures–a real grunt position, not at all what you’d expect for someone with such high NEWTs and glowing letters of recommendation from his teachers, even if he has been fired twice, but that’s institutional prejudice for you. Mostly they have him deal with dangerous animals, which is just how he likes it.

Manages to go several years without being fired, mostly because he’s managed to keep his head down and avoid anybody noticing how many animals he was supposed to kill he actually smuggled home to his house. Complains at length to his old teacher and recently appointed Supreme Mugwump about the rampant unfairness toward splendid beasts and nonhuman persons he sees every day on the job, when Albus drops by with cake to have tea and double-check the wards Hagrid’s cast to keep any of his rescues from getting out of the woods around his house.

Is eventually fired, but not for the creature-hoarding because that would probably get him jail time.

Now-Headmaster Dumbledore convinces Professor Kettleburn, who has just lost an arm, that an Adjunct Professor who’s practically indestructible would be just the thing.

By 1970 Rubeus Hagrid is the main CMC Professor and Kettleburn does periodic safety lectures (directed mostly toward Hagrid with the kids learning sort of incidentally; it actually stick with them better that way) and some of the advanced theory topics, and spends the rest of his time doing research in the Forbidden Forest. (Binns is now also a Professor Emeritus and delivers most of his lectures to rooms full of marble busts. He doesn’t seem to have noticed.)

Lily Evans is one of his favorite students. Remus Lupin is teacher’s pet.

Rubeus Hagrid, fully accredited wizard who can shrug off stunners even without any kind of armor, is a battle tank of the Order of the Phoenix. He and Moody take down enough Death Eaters together to have Voldemort wishing he’d killed that ugly half-giant kid when they were in school, instead of the useless Ravenclaw girl.

Hello! You don’t have to answer this or you could decline because im on mobile and I can’t read anything and it’s stupid, but do you think you could write more of the hp drabble where Draco’s also a parselmouth?

shanastoryteller:

draco’s been keeping
a secret his whole life, from his parents, from his friends, from everyone.
people thought poorly enough about the malfoy family already, he wasn’t going
to make it any worse. he’ll just have to deal with this alone.

except in second year, the dueling club happens, and he’s
completely thrown by what happens there. he can’t stop thinking about it.

the next day he corners potter when he’s away from his
friends, concentrates for a moment, and asks “you too?”

in parseltongue.

draco thought he was the only one, but clearly he was wrong.

draco is so fucking elated that the golden boy is a
parseltongue, because if harry potter is a parseltongue, then that means it
can’t be bad, can’t be evil, not if harry has it too. he swears harry to
secrecy, and harry agrees because they haven’t been truly awful to each other
yet, they’re enemies, but just when harry thought there was something else to
mark him as different, as other, here is someone else who’s like him. even if
it’s draco malfoy, he’ll take what he can get.

and he and draco sneak out to the forbidden forest together,
and draco has known about this for years, has been practicing for years.
“practicing?” harry asks, confused, “what’s there to practice? it’s just
speaking snake.”

draco rolls his eyes, because what a muggle raised
simpleton. “of course it’s not just speaking snake. when you told that snake
not to bite justin, do you think it listened out of a sense of courtesy?
because it was trying to be polite? of course not. you compelled it too. that’s
what being a parselmouth really means. being able to control snakes, not just
speak to them.”

harry’s horrified, and this is why it’s considered a dark
skill, because it takes away free will. not just in snakes, a truly gifted
parseltongue can do it to humans too, can weave compulsion into their voices,
more subtle and powerful than imperio.

how many of voldemort’s followers believed in him, and how
many had been compelled into following him? it’s impossible to say. it’s how so
many people got away without punishment – they claimed to have been compelled
by voldemort, and there was no way to prove otherwise.

“do you compel people?” harry asks warily.

“i’m thirteen,” he snaps, “i can barely get magical snakes
to listen to me, never mind real people. one step at a time.”

“so you would compel people, if you could?” he presses.

draco shrugs, unrepentant. “wouldn’t you? it’s a nice
security blanket, knowing if someone ever tries to hurt you or the people you
care about that you’ll be able to stop them. it’s … nice.”

harry can’t argue with that. what wouldn’t he do, to keep
his friends safe?

so he practices with draco, and the snakes of the forest
seem to know him, delight in his presence. it’s not all compulsion, because
draco switches easily between the two, just talking to the snakes one moment
and then ordering them around in the next. there’s a difference between the
two, and it’s small, but he can hear it.

“i don’t know if i want to learn how to compel anything,” he
admits, “it seems wrong.”

“relax.” draco says, rolling his eyes. “we’re both a long
way off being able to compel actual people, if we ever can. we know voldemort
can, but there’s debate about whether salazar slytherin himself could even
manage it.”

“it seems wrong to take free will away from the snakes too,
even if we never get to people,” he says stubbornly, ready to dig his heels in
if he needs to.

instead draco turns to him, surprised, then smiles. “come
on. you can ask their permission first if it will make you feel better, but i
personally find lower level snakes a bore to listen to.”

draco turns and walks deeper into the forest, an ever
growing parade of snakes slithering after him even though harry hadn’t heard
him tell them to do anything special.

he hurries to catch up, lest he be left behind

ashacrone:

drnucleus:

swan2swan:

cumaeansibyl:

spyderqueen:

persian-slipper:

darkmagyk:

Han is all “there’s to much Vader in him,” without mentioning that there is too much Vader in Leia too. 

Like, Bail Organa, bless his poor poor soul, tried to politician the Vader out of her. He tried SO FUCKING HARD. 

But the fact that she abandoned politics to be a General in the Resistance says a lot about her similarities to Anakin Skywalker. 

See, people get it wrong. They assume because Luke got the blond hair and the lightsaber that he is Anakin’s child. He’s not. He’s Padme’s.

Leia, though. Leia is very much Anakin’s child. She is the one with the deep anger in her. She is the one who will bring peace to her new empire freedom and justice back to the galaxy whether the galaxy wants it or not. She is the one who commands armies and amasses followers as easy as breathing. She joined the Rebellion while she was in her teens. She is the one with the spirit of a warrior.

Don’t get me wrong; Bail Organa did his damnedest to raise her in the mold of her mother, fighting her battles in the halls of power with words as her weapons. And she was very good at it. But unlike Padme, Leia’s words always had an edge to them, her tone and meaning always a little too sharp, a little too angry. 

Peace and mercy are the trademarks of Luke and Padme. Justice and order, obtained by whatever means necessary, are the marks of Leia and Anakin.

#you just know if she had a lightsaber on the death star she would have pulled a tusken massacre on the bridge #tarkin vader the techs everyone #dead as soon as she could reach them

How the throne room scene actually should’ve gone:

“If you will not turn to the Dark Side, perhaps she will.”

“Pffffthahahahaha yeah, okay Dad, let me know how that turns out. Look, the reason I’m here instead of her is because I want you alive and not a cloud of vaporized plastic. You know she strangled Jabba the Hutt with the chain he put around her neck, right? That’s what she does to people who try to control her. Better tell your Emperor you’re not allowed to have any more ideas.”

#this is so true it’s beautiful#I bet Vader almost felt glad every time Luke turned up with the lightsaber when they faced off#Vader was like ‘Oh thank the Force it’s the nice one that got the lightsaber skills’

THIS ALL OF IT. 

Honestly, how the hell has a twin-swap AU not been authorized by Lucasfilm already?

mamalaz:

Avengers AU – If Tony was Peter’s biological father

Tony is super protective of his son. And Peter, inspired by his dad, becomes Spiderman anyway (his dad and his Uncle Rhodey figure him out in a second though).

allofthefeelings:

ouyangdan:

allofthefeelings:

For all the people IMMEDIATELY calling me out re: a Mr Rogers fic-

So I think there are three ways this could go, and they’re all interesting, so the question is which is more interesting.

One is the one I think I’ve seen before, where Steve was somehow related to Fred- a cousin or nephew or something- and when he’s out of the ice he decides to take over the family business. I feel like this is the least interesting option, because other people have already done it before, especially between Avengers and Cap2.

Another is an AU where Steve was ALWAYS Mr Rogers. Like, he never went into the ice; instead, he landed the plane safely, had that date with Peggy and ended up being a crusader for public television. Probably his Neighborhood of Make Believe has thinly-disguised Howlies and the most-used one is Bucky and every episode is really fun for kids but if you know Cap canon it will stab you in the heart.

And the THIRD AU is one where, post-Civil War or post-Thanos (assuming he lives, IT IS REAL FUN ADDING THIS DISCLAIMER ON EVERY SPECULATION POST BTW), Steve decides he needs something different in his life. He’s tired of fighting. And he’s mindlessly searching the internet one day and he sees a “Steve Rogers vs Mr Rogers” comparison and it’s meant to mock- IDK, one of them or the other, the contrast is apparent, but Steve sees it and thinks shit, I could do that. It’s a way to be a good person and have people appreciate it rather than think it’s naive. He constructs the puppets himself and films a few episodes in his apartment and uploads them to YouTube, just as a joke. Within a week he has six offers for major money, but the only one he responds to is Mr Rogers’s estate, asking if he’d be interested in bringing that legacy back to public television. The sweater is different for him, as much a uniform as the Cap one had been, but he thinks this is a role he could learn to love. Probably he still has a Neighborhood of Make-Believe character named Bucky in this one too, even though the real Bucky is currently out there in the world, sidekicking for brand-new Captain America, Sam Wilson. After every episode airs Bucky calls with an array of colorful insults over what his character is doing, what the shit Rogers, I would never make that choice, and Steve tries a butter-wouldn’t-melt “Gosh, Buck, it’s just a fictional character” and the next time he sees him Bucky punches him in the face and Steve just grins because yeah, he deserves that.

THE THIRD ONE OF COURSE

I just imagine the entire fic being angry texts from Bucky.

WHY DID BUCKYPUPPET AGREE THAT IT’S GOOD TO FORGIVE PEOPLE? THAT’S BULLSHIT. BUCKYPUPPET SHOULD PROVE HIS DOMINANCE. RESHOOT THAT SEGMENT. SAMPUPPET SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR EVER DOUBTING HIM. xoxo bucky

(Natasha set up his phone to sign everything with that and he can’t figure out how to undo it. Both Sam and Steve could undo it, but it’s much funnier this way.)

themiscyra1983:

gothiccharmschool:

annabellioncourt:

brilziana:

hotmenandotherdistractions:

canibecandid:

deducecanoe:

girlmeetssherlock:

prettyvk:

ladyprydian:

cutteroo:

Mary Poppins / Harry Potter headcanon FB chat

I always thought she was a Time Lord, what with everything fitting in her bag and what not.

Where do you think Hermione got her idea for her clutch purse?

Oh come on, there’s NO WAY Bert was a Squib. He had a whole posse of dancing wizard chimney sweeps who would apparate to London’s West End to perform their dance show every night. 

Woh

Okay, my one complaint here is that maybe Mary was originally sent to look children that might come from muggle families that show signs of being wizards/witches.

How many Nannies did Jane and Michael chase away? 

Getting lost so often, kites flying off, their ‘help wanted’ floating away?

Yeah, those kids are some type of magic.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

*slams fist on table* HEADCANON APPROVED

@gothiccharmschool

THIS IS PERFECT, YES. 

JANE AND MICHAEL BANKS WENT TO HOGWARTS IT IS CANON NOW