One of our baby girls is fat, in the 99th percentile for her age. She is super cute and sweet. Lately, she has been sick with various breathing issues, so she has been reluctant to take her bottles. Normally, she’ll take 4 ounces of formula at lunch and 8 ounces in the afternoon. Today, I was lucky to get to her take 5 all day.
There was a substitute covering a lunch break in my classroom today. We emphasized to her that we need to keep trying to get the baby to drink her bottle until she finished it. She said, “Why are you guys so worried about taking her bottle?”
My coworker replied, “That’s where all her nutrients are. She needs the nutrients and the water.”
To which the substitute replied, “But she’s so fat. She doesn’t need it.”
Thin privilege is a small, pretty baby getting better childcare because the caretaker doesn’t think she’s too fat to be allowed to eat.
This reminds me of a cousin of mine who ended up with her kids being taken away from her by social services for a number of reasons but mostly for nearly killing her baby daughter. How?
By starving her. She insisted that her baby was ‘too fat’ and had an aim to remove any and all ‘chubbyness’ so her baby would be thin. She’d already been warned by her doctor about the baby not getting enough food, but insisted she knew best.
After several months of this her baby passed out cold one day and was rushed into hospital where the doctors found her to have severe malnutrition, a low body temperature and low pulse rate. They asked my cousin what she’d been feeding her daughter and she said “one bottle of skimmed milk a day. I don’t want her growing up fat.”
Even after nearly killing her daughter my cousin maintained her view that fat = bad and ended up with all her kids taken from her because she was starving them and neglecting them.
When your fatphobia leads you to starving your own children then you’ve got serious problems.
(Note. She still, to this day, maintains the view that she was right and the doctors were wrong. “They just want fat kids so they can keep employed treating them for all those diseases that being fat causes.” = her actual words.)
My mom had me dieting with her when I was eleven. She had me eating less than 600 calories a day because she was worried I was going to “get huge.” She even grounded me once because she found out my friends were bringing me lunches! I ended up passing out, going to the ER, and getting two IVs at once BC I was so goddamn dehydrated. Soooooo surprised they didn’t call child services… And looking back, this was the root of my anorexia. I’m nearly 22 and still fighting it. Please don’t starve your fucking children.
For fucks sake babies are SUPPOSED to be fat, what is wrong with people? It’s just stored energy, and growing children need stored energy – an 11 year old is just about to hit some major growing years. Damn.
Fatphobia
Is
Real
and it kills
This is no joke. people will literally starve their own babies cause they don’t want them getting fat. A parent brought in their six month old baby who was having breathing issues and kept getting sick. the parent was asked if the baby was eating regularly and the parent straight up told the doctor that they only feed the baby once a day. ONCE A DAY. A FUCKING BABY. they even had the nerve to say because they didn’t want the baby to get fat. people like this are real. they would rather have a dead baby than a fat one.
My youngest son is a very big boy and has been since he was born. When he was 10 months old I took him for his well-baby check and vaccinations. The nurse noted his weight and said, quite casually, “He is in the 99th percentile for weight so he is at risk for obesity. You may want to keep an eye on that.” I said, “He is exclusively breastfed. He refuses to eat any solids yet.” What did she expect me to do? What would it mean to “keep an eye on” an exclusively breastfed baby’s weight?
She backed off saying, ‘Well he looks fine!” – proving once again that weight bias is not truly about health – But I know many other parents who are not as informed as I am about weight science and size diversity would react to this interaction by policing their child’s food intake, if not as an infant, then when he was an older child. This is exactly the type of seemingly-inconsequential interaction that starts the ball rolling on a lifetime of dieting, disordered eating, negative body image, and weight-based abuse for too many fat people.
Years later when he was five, another doctor measured his weight and height and commented that he is off the charts on both, but “at least he is in proportion.” And if he was not “in proportion,” I am sure I would have been advised once again to “watch his weight.”
I no longer allow healthcare providers to weight my children unless it is absolutely medically necessary. They are unable to control their weight talk, which is a known harm for children.
We need to completely eliminate weight talk from medicine, especially when it comes to children. Even the smallest exposure can have terrible consequences.
Wtf…
A friend from college had been going to the doctor because she was having trouble breathing. She was told to lose weight.
Over the course of several years, she went back to the doctors time and time again, telling them that she’d been sticking to the diet but because of her breathing problems she had been unable to even walk for more than 20 minutes at a time.
The doctor got her into an exercise programme and told her that she just needed to really try to lose weight because that was clearly the reason for her breathing problems.
By the time they found the tumour on her lungs, it was inoperable. She only lived three months after diagnosis. She was 25.
She’d had the tumour for over five years.
The doctor was so focused on the fact that my friend was “fat”, that they refused to look for any underlying cause.
They killed her.
Weight-first treatment KILLS. Fatphobia KILLS.
I have 2 scary stories to share about fatphobic doctors & parents harming their childs/patients’ health:
1. The 4 years old daughter of a friend of mine came to our house to spend the weekend. She gave me a letter from her mom that said that the child was in a glutenfree diet because she was getting ‘awfully fat’ when eating cookies or bread (my celiac ass; who gets dhiarrea and loses a scary amount of weight whenever I eat something with gluten was like ’???’).
You can bet that I went to the supermarket with the kid and told her ‘go & take whatever you feel like eating’ and the poor child came back smiling with her arms full of biscuits and cupcakes.
She didn’t got sick (as a celiac would get) and told me later that she hated the diet her mother made her follow; because her cousins didn’t had to pass through that.
And what’s the scariest thing about this story? Her mother was a NURSE. A fucking nurse who didn’t have a clue of the harm that she was doing to her daughter’s body!
2. My little sister started to feel fatigued and dizzy at 9 years old. She felt nauseated at the sight of food and had abdominal pain that increased with physical activity.
Mom got her to the ER and the doctor dismissed it saying: ‘she’s fat and probably is feeling ill after eating too much burgers, get her to make some exercise and she will be better in no time’.My mom didn’t felt ok with the diagnosis and took my sister with a second doctor who also told her that ‘the child was just fat’.
My sister’s skin was starting to get yellow as the days passed and the abdominal pain was getting awful so my mom (heaven bless her!) got her to the ER for the third time:
SHE HAD STAGE 4 HEPATITIS AND WAS ABOUT TO DIE.
She survived after a long and painful recovery who involved being in bed for a whole year (remember that we’re speaking of a 9 years old child). Luckily they saved her liver and she didn’t went through a transplant… but let this sink:
If it weren’t for my mother, fatphobia would have killed her. Fatphobia kills kids and teenagers, fatphobia kills inocent people everyday. It treats human beings as lesser than others and hurts them in their most vulnerable times.
It’s a real shame that we all have so much stories to share about this issue. A REAL SHAME.
Future doctors, interns, and residents following me:
FUCKING TAKE NOTE OF THIS!
Don’t let bias against your fat patients kill them!
i’d really like my thin followers to reblog this if you can. fat people are already here for each other, we need you guys to help us out too. this is something i never see anyone actually talking about in-depth, and it’s disappointing. be there for your fat siblings, too.
Nothing as bad as this, but when I was about 11 I was struggling with my body image and I kept trying to tell myself it was all in my head and then one day my doctor said I was fat and it really stuck with me because I thought if a doctor says it it must be true
my son has always been really skinny because he takes a medicine that suppresses his appetite. he’s 15 and a half now, and my grandmother keeps harping on how he’s gained wait. he’s 5′9″ and 138. he is, if you trust the bmi charts, smack dab in the middle of healthy for his height and weight. but he has a little flab around his belly, and he has some teeny moobs.
BECAUSE HE IS 15 AND ABOUT TO HIT MAJOR GROWTH SPURTS.
i get all over her, he does too, because she comments and just refuses to shut the fuck up about it. stop shaming kids about their weight, period. even if they’re unhealthily fat, there is a reason for it, and that reason isn’t always in their control. you can do irreparable damage to them being cruel about their weight.
Also I encourage you to look up more on early child dieting in relation to obesity later in life because I’ve known people (including my mom) who were forced on a diet when they were a very young kid because they were “too fat” and it changed her metabolism to the point where her body thought she was starving so it changed to physically hold weight MORE SO than it would have had she not dieted (neither of her parents were obese but it physically changed her).
There’s also been studies on additives in our food being linked to increased weight, and also studies that people are overweight due to financial stress and work stress etc. There’s also been studies which link some people’s weight to sexual assault and how the body reacts to that kind of stressful attack.
I’d also look up and see if your doctors offices have lowered their height charts because ours did in the children;s section. The adult height measure told me I was 5 feet but the kid’s office said I was 4’10". A few inches of height differences tacked onto how they calculate BMI literally can push you from appearing “healthy” to appearing “severely obese” and I think they do this to sell weight-loss programs/drugs.
Doctors offices often partner with the pharmaceutical companies. Why would they cure you if they can sell you drugs that don’t help and make you pay more money? Just be aware this does happen.
So the moral of the story- weight does not equal health, and starving children for your ideal of beauty is fucked up. Don’t starve your kids. It has severely long-lasting effects and is just downright inhumane.
So I was out to eat and this child(maybe 3 years old) in the booth next to us started crying loudly. The mom tried to calm him down but he started to go into tantrum mode and fussed even more. So she picked him up and walked out of the restaurant to a bench outside our window. We could hear her ask him, “look at me, what’s upsetting you?” To which he responded with more crying. So she says, “Well you’re clearly overwhelmed, so we’re going to sit out here and take a break until you can compose yourself and tell me what’s wrong.” Which is exactly what happened after a couple minutes. Anyways I just think it’s so good to speak to your children in a logical, respectful manner instead of shushing them and leaving them to deal with their stress alone.
this is such a surreal way to calm a child down like is a three year old really going to understand you like that ….
Yes, if it’s what they’re used to. It has to be consistent though, you can’t, like, suddenly start doing it one day and expect them to understand.
It also helps if you kind of narrate your own emotions when you’re upset even just over little things, like ‘oh! I just can’t get this to lay flat, but I really want to! I got mad because I couldn’t get it to work, and that’s frustrating!’
It feels silly at first, but it models it for them and helps them understand how to communicate (and recognize) their own emotions.
I think I reblogged the original post before, but I love and appreciate the further explanation. All in all this is a great practice, but some parents either don’t do it consistently, or aren’t taking in other factors (like, can your child process your words right now? Sometimes they can’t because EMOTIONS!) OR they do this without removing them from the stressor/stressful situation, and then their kid is overwhelmed and has no idea what their parent is saying to them. You need to look at your kid and make sure they’re taking in your words, and also not expect them to respond like an adult would.
You can also easily simplify the language, to something like “Hey what’s going on?” or “let’s get some space”/”I’m going to give you space” or “let’s take a break and take some deep breaths”
I’ve seen parents who just totally take this and start speaking to their children in ways that their child legitimately cannot understand, not necessarily because of their age, but because they have no context, or are too overwhelmed by outside factors, OR because their parents are expecting them to process words they’re not used to (consistency and modeling are key) and then demanding an adult response. That’s stressful. Using this kind of language with kids is GREAT to get your kids more in touch with their emotions and actions, but it’s important that you’re doing it correctly, paying attention to how your child responds, and providing them with a model in your own actions and interactions.
I work in education and how that parent in the first post helped their child calm down is exactly what we do when I work in preK through 1st grade classrooms.
I also do this with my own children and it ‘s incredibly helpful. Small children are able to tell you what’s wrong and tell you how they feel if they’re given the tools to do so.
Common mistakes parents make:
-Assuming this will work right away. It won’t. It takes time for kids to get used to this. Parents/families need to use this frequently, consistently, and using language children can understand.
-By not staying calm themselves. This will not work if you let your own emotions/frustrations get in the way. When this happens frustrated parents want the kids to ‘hurry up and tell them what’s wrong’. Kids can tell you’re upset/frustrated/impatient. This can make things worse. You as a parent/caregiver need to remain calm as well.
-Use language that the child doesn’t understand (as Enog mentioned above). Use language that your child CAN understand. A big thing you need to do even when your child isn’t upset is to identify feelings. Do this all the time. When a child can’t identify emotions, they have a hard time dealing with them. Use accessible language and model identifying as well as healthy ways to deal with various emotions.
-Failing to remove the child from a stressful situation. This is a VERY COMMON mistake parents and caregivers make. Young children in particular have a hard time focusing/calming down when overwhelmed. Some parents/caregivers expect the child to calm down while overwhelmed get frustrated with the child when this method doesn’t work. Be sure to remove your child from the stressful situation or stimulus before asking them to tell you what is wrong.
Many people won’t get it right the first time. Recognizing the frequent mistakes above will help parents/caregivers from making these errors.
My mom was also taught in my brothers daycare that you can start communicating with kids under 4 to get them used to communicating and to try and make the world seem less chaotic. They would tell the kids if they were going to stop playing in 10 minutes or change their diapers or eat or whatever. And as strange as it sounds that toddlers actually became less fussy and it really made the parents start paying attention to their kids and making sure that they were communicating. I’ve seen so many young kids have a tantrum because their parent just picks them up from playing and takes them instead of giving them a five or ten minute warning that might have made it so there was no problem at all. I’m sure it would set them up for everything mentioned in this post. I hate people that act like you shouldn’t communicate with kids or try and help them understand what’s going on around them, I just always think of how overwhelming and scary being a kid, and especially a very young child, can be.
^Important. 😀
Omg it’s so important to talk to kids about what’s going on even if they’re newborns and you think they can’t understand, at some point (long before they can talk themselves) they do and they learn that their feelings, needs and boundaries matter, that they’re people not objects to be moved about and acted upon
Research shows babies understand the gist of what parents are saying as early as six months. Explaining things to babies and toddlers like they’re real people who can understand you (which they are) is incredibly powerful and good for their brain and social development! For example, I was recently hanging out with parents who are really good at this. The one year old was fussing as my friend tried to get him to eat, and so she communicated everything she was doing with him. “I see that you don’t want the apple sauce right now. Is your tummy full? Let’s try the noodles. No, I can see you’re making a face, so I don’t think you want those. How about your bottle?” Etc. This starts an early precedent of clear communication and showing that you care and understand a child’s needs. Even when I was saying goodbye to the family, that kiddo clearly had no idea what was going on, and mom still made a point to say, “Sequoia is going home now, so we say goodbye. Bye Sequoia!” instead of saying bye without involving him.
Not Yelling At Children is Better Than Yelling At Children, More At 11
Water is wet? We been knew?
Every time you fucking morons dismiss these things as obvious. Every time you show that for all your “concern”, you know nothing about how these things work.
No matter how obvious, there being studies matters, because next time, when people are denouncing bad parenting and they are asked for scientific proof, instead of saying “Water is wet? We been knew?”, they can point to the study that legitimizes and proves it, and they can say “here’s the evidence, shitheads, now start being good fucking parents/acknowledging the bad that you cause”.
The voices of little girls are so powerful and profound because they haven’t yet been completely eaten away at by social conditioning.
“I am a rich pie filled with knowledge. I will not be eaten.” Holy fuck my new motto.
Transcription (with original line breaks):
The true feminine
I am not sugar and spice and everything nice. I am music, I am art. I am a story. I am a church bell, gonging out wrongs and rights and normal nights. I was baby. I am child. I will be mother. I don’t mind being considered beautiful, I do not allow that to be my definition. I am a rich pie strong with knowledge. I will not be eaten.
i’m not kidding, this poem shook me to my core. it inspired me more than any famous poet in the past few months. this little girl is going to influence the world in such a beautiful way.
Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.
“You literally adopted the antichrist, Anne. What the fuck.”
“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”
George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.
“Good job, love. Now go find the rest.” George’s face makes no expression, but his eyes shine when he recieves a pat on the head for his efforts.
As the months go by, George seems to settle down. He adjusts to school, friends, and the positive reinforcement Anne gives him. She encourages the good he does, even though the powers he uses aren’t “good”. When she gets calls from the school, it’s about a rambunctious boy that won’t sit still. Not a destroyer of the world and innocence.
It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.
“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.
“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.
“Because, you did.”
okay so someone please write the story of the family of super-low-key holy warriors who have made it their mission to locate the antichrist in every generation (because when one gets spoiled they try AGAIN) and adopt them and love them into not being the antichrist anymore, thus perpetually delaying the apocalypse
delaying the apocalypse via good parenting I love this
Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.
“You literally adopted the antichrist, Anne. What the fuck.”
“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”
George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.
“Good job, love. Now go find the rest.” George’s face makes no expression, but his eyes shine when he recieves a pat on the head for his efforts.
As the months go by, George seems to settle down. He adjusts to school, friends, and the positive reinforcement Anne gives him. She encourages the good he does, even though the powers he uses aren’t “good”. When she gets calls from the school, it’s about a rambunctious boy that won’t sit still. Not a destroyer of the world and innocence.
It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.
“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.
“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.
“Because, you did.”
okay so someone please write the story of the family of super-low-key holy warriors who have made it their mission to locate the antichrist in every generation (because when one gets spoiled they try AGAIN) and adopt them and love them into not being the antichrist anymore, thus perpetually delaying the apocalypse
delaying the apocalypse via good parenting I love this
wupacing 