China’s netizens are all in a twitter over the account of a carpenter who was commissioned to make a cinnabar red high-backed chair with the finials at the top to be “in the shape of dragons’ heads” (chéng lóngtóu 成龍頭). Unfortunately, he misinterpreted the directions to mean “[in the shape of] Jackie Chan’s head” (“Chénglóng tóu 成龍頭”).
LMAO ok so to elaborate on this absolute gem, notice how the characters provided for “in the shape of dragons’ heads” and “[in the shape of] Jackie Chan’s head” are identical? That wasn’t a typo.
The thing you need to understand about Chinese names is that they all have meaning. And I don’t mean that in the sense of “if you trace the etymology back through two languages it has its roots in a Hebrew phrase that means “God is my ____” that many Western names have. I mean that in the sense of “almost all of these words are still in regular use today and my parents very literally named me “pretty [and] wise” in Chinese.
(Sidenote: This is why we get annoyed at made-up ‘Chinese’ names that just pull two random vaguely Chinese-sounding syllables together. It is blindingly obvious when it’s not a real name).
成
(chéng) means “to become”, “to turn into”. 龍 (lóng)
is “dragon”. Thus, Jackie Chan’s Chinese stage name,
成龍 (Chénglóng), literally means “become dragon”. (頭 (tóu), of course, means “head”)
(Further sidenote: This is actually a bit of a pun/reference. Specifically, it is a reference to Bruce Lee, whose stage name was 小龍 (Xiǎolóng), or, “Little dragon”. So Jackie’s chosen stage name means both “become dragon”, and “become [like] Bruce Lee”)
The other thing you need to know about Chinese is that we don’t put spaces between terms in written text.
What all this means is that the way you’d write “[carve] into dragon heads” can be identical to the way you’d write “[carve] Jackie Chan’s head”, and literally the only difference would be where you pause when you vocalise it: before lóngtóu, or after chénglóng. XD
i think the chair turned out great
So my mom lived in China for a few years before I was born, along with her brothers. To make the Chinese versions of their names, they just went with whatever had the most similar sound. My mom’s name ended up meaning “beautiful plum blossom” (sorry I don’t know the characters), but her younger brother became"peaceful pig", which got him some interesting reactions when he introduced himself to people. As a pig farmer though, he found it absolutely hilarious.
1) I love that last story omg
2) I keep thinking about the damn chair, and the part that really gets me is, assuming this is real, the carpenter just… didn’t bother to even ask. Even though dragon heads on Chinese stuff is way, way more common a motif than Jackie Chan’s head. He was just like, oh, ok. You want this guy’s head on your furniture? Sure! No problem! Which makes me want to know: how often does he get requests involving celebrity heads? XD
You may be underestimating how popular Jackie Chan is in China. Having liver there my first reaction to this story was, yeah that’s a fair mistake, someone might want that
the reason these exist (iirc) is because peppa pig is banned in china for “promoting gangster attitudes”: peppa was popular (for whatever reason) with “shehuiren” (anti-establishment internet users), who made a lot of memes involving peppa and even got tattoos of her because it’s funny. the result of banning peppa is that shehuiren-types liked peppa even more afterwards, and now she’s a bit of a counterculture symbol in china. hence these shirts.
this is the EXACT kind of knowledge i absolutely had no idea i so badly needed
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
This just keeps getting better
I fucking love history.
ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army – recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.
Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.
I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”
i googled this bc i desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is.
the dude’s name was su dongpo (also known as su shi). his original poem went like this:
稽首天中天，
毫光照大千，
八風吹不動，
端坐紫金蓮
(Humbly bowed my head below all skies Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds Immovable by strong winds from eight sides Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound) (x)
on which his friend wrote “放屁” (fart, literally), and you know the rest.
it’s Asian American and Pacific Islanders heritage month and that means reminding everyone that America stole Hawaii for sugar money, forced Japanese ppl in internment camps, exploited Chinese workers while also denying them entry and set south east asia for fuckery w their imperialism 🙂
and atomic bombed Japan even after they surrendered, split Korea in two, and bombed the entire country of Laos secretly(but were exposed) and so thoroughly that avoiding bombs is a part of the school curriculum for children in Laos still To This Day
The Chinese #MeToo movement has met its share of resistance over the past few months. Attempts to follow the western wave of #MeToo, #TimesUp and #BalanceTonPorc, among others, with hashtags like #WoYeShi /#我也是 and #MeToo在中国 have struggled to gain traction, in no small part due to censorship inevitably imposed on such sensitive topics in the PRC.
But Chinese netizens, as usual, have found a way around it through euphemism and wordplay. Similar to the use of “river crab” (河蟹/héxiè) as a play on “harmonious” (和谐/héxié), a term commonly used in Chinese propaganda which was eventually censored due to its being endlessly mocked online, or “grass mud horse” (草泥马/cǎonímǎ) as a euphemism for “fuck your mother” (肏你妈/càonǐmā), netizens often use innocuous homonyms to get around automatic blocks. In the case of #MeToo, many are now taking to the hashtag #米兔 I.e. mǐtù, meaning “rice bunny”, as a homonym for the English original. Others are even using the relevant emoji 🍚🐰or the English #ricebunny
wupacing 