There most be some fangirls in Gotham ship Bruce Wayne/Batman.
I’m imagining the fanfic, and it is filling me with glee! “The billionaire playboy shrank back a little from the vigilante. ‘W-what are you doing?’ He couldn’t help noticing his heartbeat had picked up. Batman looked back at him, his gaze expressionless. ‘I’m here to save your life, Mr. Wayne.’”
Bruce probably started the trend.
“Where did this ship even COME FROM?”
“IDK, someone wrote a really popular fic about it two years ago and everyone got on board.”
“Yeah, wasn’t his username grandfatherclock or something like that…”
No, see, this is brilliant because it actually works, because their “personalities” are so opposite that this ship would really appeal. “You need to lighten up, Batman.” “You need to take things more seriously, Mr Wayne.” “When was the last time you had any fun?” “When was the last time you did anything else?”
3hr long arguments about whether the best way to reform Gotham is through the Wayne Foundation charities and rebuilding initiatives or taking down the mobs and crime families that secretly run the city.
At the end, Bruce uses his rich-boy skills to take down a few henchmen – “What, you think I’ve never swung a golf club before?” – and Batman lets himself reluctantly be convinced to go out for ice cream.
(They’ve headcanoned Batman as blond to fit the necessary slash pairing requirements)
The comments are all, “OMG, have you ever noticed how Batman always intervenes when something shady goes down with the Wayne Foundation? I mean, not that it’s like, out of character, foil Penguin’s plot to block a low-income housing proposal so he can put up another casino there, or whatever, he does that for everyone, but have you noticed that he’s involved every time it’s Wayne Foundation? OMG THEY ARE DATING IN REAL LIFE THIS IS TOTALLY CANON!”
It’s the most popular Real Person ship in Gotham.
(Robin: “You know like, half the internet is shipping you with yourself.” Bruce: “I am large, Tim. I contain multitudes.” smirk.)
I just realized that Clark Kent probably works at the Daily Planet because it means he and his super-senses are planted right in the middle of a bunch of investigative journalists all day long. He probably knows more about Metropolis’ corruption and abuses of power than anyone else in the world, just by virtue of existing in the Daily Planet’s vicinity.
I imagine also that he works there for the reverse reason. Think about all the things he knows about the people in positions of power in the city that Really Should be made known to the public, but he can’t figure out a way to legitimately excuse having that knowledge? Well, all he has to do is drop a hint of a thread in the lap of someone like Lois Lane and his coworkers and friends will be on it like bloodhounds, with a firm air of legitimacy that he himself would never, ever have. Because honestly? Clark Kent probably knows that “I heard about it with my magic alien hearing” isn’t and SHOULDN’T be admissible in a court of law or public opinion. But aiming some good old fashioned investigative journalists in the most competitive news organisation in the city at it? Perfectly legitimate.
Villain: “Hah! What are you going to do, punch me for tax evasion? Lock me up for conspiracy? With what court-admissible evidence? Admit it Superman, there’s nothing you can do here.”
Superman: “Guess not.”
Later, Clark Kent at the Daily Planet watching his colleagues work: “My god, they’re like bureaucratic piranhas. They went through his entire IRS filings for the last eight quarters in thirty minutes flat.”
i mean, canonically it’s so he’ll have a reason to be on the scene whenever something is happening, and if it requires super-help he can duck around the corner and do a quick change. but in the era of internet and smart phones, he could just set up a bunch of google alerts or whatever. so the secondary purpose of being in the middle of all the information is more primary now.
To help with the whole ‘secret identity’ thing, the heroes of Gotham will absolutely wear someone else’s costume to cover for them while out sick/injured or just plain out of the city. This has led to hilariously wild and conflicting images for each of the heroes. Is it gonna be growl-y Batman or the Batman willing to finish a conversation? Extra flippy Nightwing or the Nightwing with a killer roundhouse kick? Maybe you’ll get the Red Robin who offers way too many statistics as a criminal or the eerily silent Red Robin who people swear up and down is a girl, either way this RR is going to body slam a criminal into a wall. Or perhaps the super short but no less deadly Red Hood’ll pop up.
No one knows which version of a mask they are going to get and that is just incredibly stressful for Gotham’s underbelly.
I love the suit-sharing idea so much and it’s given me so many ideas.
-the most popular first choice for a replacement is Cass because everyone knows she’ll make them look super awesome.
-When Cass got sick everyone wanted to be Black Bat, but she named Harper as her successor. Bruce was like “Cassandra honey Black Bat can’t have blue hair for one night, there needs to be a bit of consistency,” so Cass went ahead and dyed her hair blue as well and Bruce almost had a heart attack.
-Once Dick was Red Hood and wasn’t used to the helmet’s more restricted visibility, and he somersaulted straight into wall. Tim found footage of it in a security camera, and the batkids have regular viewings of it in Wayne Manor’s theatre. Dick is on a mission to destroy every copy of the video.
-Bruce would be more open to the idea of his kids being Batman for a night if they didn’t have so much fun with it. They always do horrible over-the-top impersonations of his Batman voice. “Dick I swear to God,” “SWEAR TO ME!!!” He’s tried locking up his suits but just has so many of them, there’s always a spare somewhere in the cave.
-Damian hates the idea of someone else being Robin and won’t turn over his costume, but it’s no use because Dick, Jason, Tim, Steph and Duke already have their own old Robin costumes so anyone can just ask to borrow theirs.
-The batkids start betting their costumes on games nights. Dick is, of course, the reigning champion at Twister, and a standing rule is that if anyone can beat him they can be Nightwing for a month.
-For ages Barbara and Alfred politely refused to join in the costume swapping, but then one night, without any warning, Dick called Oracle and Alfred picked up.
-Some nights, because there was a lot of betting the day before, or just because some kids are lazy and pick up the nearest costume, everyone somehow ends up with someone else’s costume, and the coms is hell. “Red Robin.” “Yes?” “No Tim I mean the Red Robin tonight.” “Oh, yes that’s me?” “Steph I thought you were Nightwing.” “Nope that’s Damian.” “Then where the hell is Duke.” “I’m Red Hood dude, I’ve literally been patrolling with you the whole night.” “What, I thought that was Harper.” “No I’m Batgirl.” “What, I thought that was Jason???” “Only codenames on the coms, everyone.” “Bruce why would you want this to be more complicated.”
– “Damian you little shit.” “Brown you said very clearly that I could choose tonight’s Batgirl.” “I am not being replaced by Bat-Cow.”
The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.
“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.
“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.
“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?
“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!
“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy
objets d’art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.
“Number Eight: Kite Man.”
Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.
“You know what you did…”
His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.
“Number Nine! Th-”
He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”
“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”
He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.
KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE
If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.
Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham
Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.
“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE
THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”
Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.
This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.
Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.
Seriously, Riddler would KILL IT (metaphorically speaking) on YouTube. He just does those weird animated puzzle videos where he poses lengthy, overly complicated puzzles, game theories, and riddles, then gives away…fuck I don’t know…Amazon or iTunes cards to whoever gets them right.
“Riddle me this: How can I ensure there are more videos like this one? The answer, my little quest solvers, is simple: Like and subscribe, and consider donating to my Patreon! Which isn’t much of a Riddle, but seriously I’m down to eating crackers and ramen right now and YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain.”
Bringing this back because “YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain” has to be shared and because I have some followers who have not experienced The Riddler Post.
Seriously, if you ever need a good time, just read all the responses in the notes. This post still ranks as one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Batman sees all of this and donates a substantial amount. He still can’t believe YouTube was the answer all along.
This is especially true with BTAS Riddler.
“Riddle me this… who’s the biggest asshole in games development this side of Ubisoft? It’s Daniel Mockridge who screwed the dev team, myself included, out of our royalties for Riddle of the Minotaur-”
Two days later Jim Sterling is calling Mockridge out, there’s a gofundme for the other people on the dev team, and Nigma’s halfway to funding the spiritual sequel on Kickstarter.
“Okay, more backer questions… Puzzlemaster323 sent says “Riddle Me This, will there be VR support.”, and I say of course there is! Ten years ago I trapped Batman and Robin a VR version of the first game and I threw that rig together in two months. We’ve worked out the motion sickness problems for 90% of users and the game will not kill you for real if you die in the game, but hardcore players can set it to give them a harmless jolt if they’re into that kind of thing.”
The Scarecrow: “I *did* eat his leftover Chinese. It’s messed up that he knows.”
you know what i don’t see enough of? circus kid dick grayson critiquing the joker because he’s a bad clown. not like, bad, and also a clown. but bad at being a clown. i want to see dick grayson taking the existence of this horrible clown very personally as a matter of professional pride. he has known clowns, and you, sir, are no clown. the joker is an insult to the legacy of emmett kelly and this shall not stand.
“Sir, you are no clown! Your slapstick is shoddy, your prat falls are practically nonexistent, and you have NO sense of comedic timing! Do you even have ANY idea what type of clown you’re trying to pull off? Are you a Straight Whiteface, or a Grotesque Whiteface? Because you have no commitment to character that I can see! You can’t just slap on some makeup and call yourself a clown. There’s a proud history to be upheld! I BET YOU NEVER EVEN GOT A DEGREE FROM CLOWN COLLEGE!!!”
*Joker and henchmen stare in shocked silence as Dick continues his rant*
#Joker changes his rivalry from Batman to Nightwing because he’s so offended
#Dick storms into Arkham and stomps down the halls to Joker’s cell
wupacing 