dimancheetoile:

Hello, everyone. I feel very ashamed right now, but I need your help. I’m going to talk about my situation and it involves triggering subjects which are tagged accordingly, so don’t risk your safety and jump straight to the end of the post if you feel like you can’t read it.

I don’t talk about those things, because it was my fault and I feel like bringing it up is disrespectful to many people who have it way worst than me. But here it is. Hi, I’m Mako. I’m a 20, French, and a student. When I was 13, I was raped by a 21 yo man who I had never met before. In July of this year, I was raped again by someone I knew, trusted, and told the story of my first rape to. I’m in a very bad place. I’ve been self-harming for almost a year, and it has gotten really bad. I have a physical disability in my ankle for which I’m prescribed daily doses of morphine. The medication, though having a huge impact on my chronic pain and thus, being a big relief, also makes me paranoid and anxious. Since July, I’m thinking every day about killing myself.

I used to have dreams and hopes. I’m a sound engineer student and I love my studies. But right now, I’m in no place to take care of myself, and though I sometimes get out of this mindset (enough to write this post, for instance), I’m at risk every day. I don’t want my life to end like this, but I know if this keeps going, I’ll end my life soon.

Therapy in France is very expensive. I can’t work because of my disability and my scholarship only covers living expenses. My parents make less money than I do. There’s no one I can ask for help.

I’m very uncomfortable with asking for donations. I don’t feel like I deserve that. But I’m an artist and a writer, and I’m absolutely willing to draw or write anything you want if you can help me a little. I have an art commission page here and this is my art tag. You can find my writing on AO3 and I’ll take ko-fi commissions for writing. Each coffee will get you 500 words of any pairing, any prompt.

I just need enough to cover a couple of sessions because due to my age and disability, if the therapist judges I’m a danger to myself, I can have access to free therapy for youth. But I need to pay for those first sessions and I don’t have the money, not if I want to eat every day or afford my pain medication.

If you don’t want to commission me but still want to help me, here is my paypal: tear.skydust@gmail.com

Thank you. I know a lot of you guys, or follow you from afar, and know that you’ve all helped me over the past few months, just by being awesome. But I can’t keep living this life. I need help.

If yall can spare some change they’re an utter, utter sweetheart. Please do consider helping them out if you can.