I periodically feel so fucking sad for women in history. I feel like birth control in countries where it is widely used has made women forget an aspect of male cruelty and sociopathy that is now less apparent (giving the illusion that men have improved when only women’s defences against men have)—the fact that for most of history men could live with a woman for decades and not care that they were slowly killing her with endless back-to-back pregnancies which not only resulted in early death more often than not, but also in a total smothering of the woman’s spirit and talents. I saw a quote by Anne Boyer the other day that called straight relationships for women “not only deadly, but deadening”—as I was reading Jill Lepore’s Book of Ages, a biography of Benjamin Franklin’s sister Jane, who was bright and loved reading and wrote some poetry, but had little time to make anything of her life in between her 12 pregnancies. Benjamin Franklin’s mother had 10 sons and 7 daughters. What could they possibly accomplish when their husbands kept impregnating them year after year after year throughout their entire adult life?
Charlotte Brontë eschewed marriage longer than most (writing to Ellen Nussey that she wished they could just set up a little cottage and live together) but she finally married at 38, became pregnant, and died before her 39th birthday. If she had married younger would Jane Eyre exist? I was reading that biography of Charity & Sylvia last month and comparing their life together in their little cottage to the life of their married female relatives, which was honestly hell on earth. One of Charity’s sisters had 18 children. Charity’s mother had 10 living ones, and probably some additional stillbirths. She gave birth to her first child age 19, in 1758, then to a pair of twins in 1760, then another child in 1761, another in 1763, another in 1765, another in 1767, another in 1769, another in 1771, another in 1774, another in 1777. Charity was the last child and her mother had been sick with tuberculosis for months when she became pregnant with her, and she died soon after giving birth.
I wish people would call this murder—this woman was murdered by her husband, like countless other women who do not ‘count’ as victims of male violence because straight sex is natural, pregnancy is natural, childbirth is natural. But when after 20 years of nonstop pregnancies this woman had tuberculosis and suffered from severe respiratory distress, severe weight loss, fever and exhaustion, and her husband impregnated her again, her death was expected. He must have known; he just didn’t care. This woman’s sister—Charity’s aunt—remained a spinster and outlived all of her married sisters by several decades, living well into her eighties. (Ironically, male doctors in her century asserted that sex with men was necessary for women’s health. The biographer quoted from a popular home health guide which said that old maids incurred grievous physical harm from a lack of sex with men.) And this aunt had the time and liberty to develop her skill for embroidery to such an extent that two museums still preserve her embroidered bed drapes. She accomplished something, she nurtured her talent and self. Her name was also Charity, and I find it interesting that Charity’s mother named her last daughter, whose pregnancy & birth killed her, after her childless, unmarried sister.
When I see women reblog my post about Sophia Tolstoy’s misery with her 13 children, adding comments like “thank god marriage is no longer synonymous with this”, I wonder if they realise that men have not magically become any kinder or more concerned about their female partner’s health and fulfillment, it’s just that women now have access to better ways of protecting themselves from their male partner’s indifference to their health and fulfillment.
Remember, Debbie Reynolds was so much more than just Carrie’s mom. She was a beautiful, amazing, wickedly funny woman in her own right. She loved her daughter and she made her daughter who she was, but it is a disservice to her memory to shrink her down to just being Carrie’s mom.
Also, because it needs to be said, Debbie was a huge supporter of the mentally ill. She helped found The Thalians, a mental health charity in 1955 and served as chairwoman for the organization for fifty-six years. She was an amazing woman and will be missed.
AND she is the top witch bitch from Halloween Town and needs her good name spread during HER holiday.
Lillian Weber, a 99-year-old good Samaritan from Iowa, has spent the last few years sewing a dress a day for the Little Dresses For Africa charity, a Christian organization that distributes dresses to children in need in Africa and elsewhere.
Weber’s goal is to make 1,000 dresses by the time she turns 100 on May 6th. So far, she’s made more than 840. Though she says she could make two a day, she only makes one – but each single dress she makes per day is personalized with careful stitchwork. She hopes that each little girl who receives her dress can take pride in her new garment.
i think an aspect of rape culture that we don’t talk about often enough is the whole myth that ur first time is supposed to be painful and a bloody mess. like i know the myth itself has been addressed and debunked many times but we don’t talk about how intrinsically that is linked with rape culture. the normalisation of sex that causes physical harm and pain from the minute u become sexually active is so tragic and awful? like generations of girls have been lied to and told that it’s ok for you to physically suffer during ur first time having sex and so many boys have been convinced it’s not their responsibility to make sure that like….doesn’t happen? the number of conversations i’ve had with girl friends and we’ve exchanged stories of our first times and so many of them were in so much pain they told their partner to stop and he was like “dw it’s supposed to hurt” and carried on…..? or friends who casually mention bleeding for literally days afterwards ??? like that’s something that’s totally normal and not a sign of serious physical trauma? rape culture is honestly so disgusting and so pervasive and women have to put up with so much and im like so tired of it
The vast majority of women who bled during their first time with PIV, or their first few times, were actually bleeding from their interior vaginal walls because they weren’t aroused enough for penetration. The hymen exists to protect the interior of the vagina during fetal development and it begins to wear away starting at birth. Most women who are ready and going slow will not experience any pain let alone bleeding. It’s not a “safety seal” for a woman’s sexuality.
This is all so heartbreakingly true. The first time I had sex he got MAD that i didnt bleed because he thought I lied about being a virgin. I tried to tell him I was just really turned on and it felt good for my first time but he broke up with me shortly after because “ All girls are suppose to bleed their first time, its how we know theyre pure” LEGIT THAT WAS THE REASON.
Absolutely true. When I had my first time I didn’t tell him I was a virgin, and it didn’t hurt or bleed at all. It was all very ok. [Dude turned out to be a jackass after, as the guy above, tho, but not about this] And I spent a long time to understand what could be wrong with me that my body didn’t work like it was supposed to, even though it pretty much did!
This idea brings women more and more far away from trying to be aroused in sex, by the notion that you don’t really need to enjoy it, you need to get used to sex. I know girls who bled in their first 10 to 20 times having sex and thought it was normal, because they were not used to it.
Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
Millennial women of Tumblr, please read this post.
And then please: make the decision for yourself to never stay with a man who expects you to be his mother and servant.
This is such a big mood. Speaking as a full-time graduate student in the metro DC area, I don’t blame her for waiting. The cost of living here is grotesque.
stfu, this bitch just another LARPing liberal
Like most models, Ocasio-Cortez did not buy the outfit shown here – she rented it for a photo shoot. Also, the clothes come from an environmentally-conscious fashion line, the designers of which are sensible to her political platform.
I see why you omitted these details – sexism is more catchy when you neglect the whole story
“The say you get married because you lack discernment, you get divorced because you lack patience and you get remarried because you lack a good memory.”
wupacing 