yesterday at the store, i said “babe” to get my girlfriends attention and like four women who aren’t my girlfriend looked at me and the lesbian power fjrjfndmsmzksp
i said it again at the bar and the bartender turned like i was talking to her djfnfjdndkdjd
Look, I know this oddly-worded Washington Post headline is really about millennials killing the restaurant industry with their loud speaking voices, but it reads like we’re about to have a major lesbian hearing loss epidemic. My mother was scandalized this morning and I’m still laughing hours later.
in grade 12 we were reading romeo and juliet and we were at the romantic-ass balcony scene and this hot girl in the class volunteered to read juliet’s parts and i put up my hand to volunteer for another part and the teacher goes ‘oh do you want to be the nurse, amanda?’ and i was like ‘no i wanna be romeo’ and the hot girl swiveled around in her seat to give me a Look™
she and i later ended up making out at a bunch of parties in university lmfao
in retrospect this moment was absolutely pivotal to my butch awakening but it was also just a lesbian power move
Sometimes I think about how the way I met my wife was like a fanfiction
We both had a scholarship to a college soccer team and were the only two competing for center forward, we hit it off instantly and became close friends right away. When our team went to nationals, we had to share a bed and ended up snuggling (and I was, up until that point, absolutely not a physically affectionate person). After we returned home I kept sneaking into her room because I couldn’t sleep without her. Our friends started accusing us of being together and talking crap so, to spite them, we thought it would be a good idea to fake date and sometimes held hands and stuff. We ended up kissing right before she left the country for almost a month and we basically pretended it never happened, and when she came back it happened again and again and then escalated. Cue these lines, verbatin:
Me: *grabs the hand heading between my legs* “Wait, wait.” *sighs, drops forehead to hers* “We’re idiots.”
Her, breathlessly, eyes on my lips: “I’ve always been an idiot.” *swoops in for another kiss*
We ended up taking and decide to be friends with benefits, but JUST kissing benefits, no sex, and then 5 minutes later we had sex. We sleep together for a couple weeks (all the time, any and everywhere) before deciding to make it official, then after another couple weeks say I love you (initially via her closing her eyes and moving her palm from her heart to mine back and forth like a useless lesbian), then about a month later talk about how we wanna get married.
Fast forward a year and we go to university together and we’re roommates. Fast forward four years and we’re married and eloping to Harry Potter World and the beach. Fast forward almost 7 years from when we met and we’re living in the same hometown we first met in and she’s the assistant coach for the team we used to play for. Sex life better than ever (“that much great sex all the time after years together in fics is unrealistic” my ass), I can’t cook for shit but I try, we ride bikes around town and we’re basically the only gays in the village and there’s a little rainbow statue on the outside of our windowsill.
7 years ago I was so in love with her I could barely breathe, and I love her a thousand times more now than I did then.
Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.
Y’all get together to discuss your options and she starts coaching you on how to get men because she doesn’t want to waste more magic on you without promise of payment. The more time you guys spend together the more you realize you have a bit of a crush on her. Soon you’re sabotaging your dates on purpose to see her again.
Long story short you fall in love and get married and do the sperm donor thing AND YOUR FIRSTBORN IS HERS BY DEFAULT and you live happily ever after. The end.
Feels like a dating success story that belongs on this blog!
Today a girl in my class got told off for her skirt being too short or whatever and was told the usual “distraction for the boys” bs and she deadass stood up, looked this sexist teacher in the eye, and said “but it’s the girls I’m trying to impress sir” and if that ain’t a lesbian queen I don’t know what is
The reason why there’s not a q eye version with lesbians is because literally every single relationship would be broken up by the end of the episode. The straight girl would be like “haha I never cum when we have sex” and 20 minutes later the boyfriend would be gone. It’s too risky
Polish has two versions of “to get married” depending on whether you are marrying a man (wyjść za mąż) or a woman (ożenić się)
they are of course “meant” to be used by women and men respectively, and when someone mixes them up – which happens very often in common speech – it’s usually a matter of seconds before some smartass goes “haha, ożenić się, she’s a girl, what is she, a homo, you meant wyjść za mąż!”
same thing happened at the shop today, one local drunkard wanted to wish me all the best and that I marry well – and he said “ożenić się”
the second drunkard obviously started laughing “what, a woman! you meant-”
“and who are you to tell her what she can or cannot do, Heniek? She’ll want to marry a girl she’ll marry a girl!”
I have an urge to give him a beer on the house next time he’s here.
wupacing 