I always found it a bit odd. Hilarious, but it raised too many questions. When did Steve make these? Why did Steve make these? How did he manage to be so cheesy and overly sincere knowing how much crap he would get from the other Avengers for it?
Well, today my sister told me her headcanon. Picture the scene. Steve leans on the back of a chair, as above. Peter immediately launches into ‘So, you got detention…’. Cap blinks. Peter awkwardly tries to explain. It turns out Cap has no idea what videos he means, and neither do any of the other Avengers.
So they get in touch with the company who made them, and they swear blind that it was really the real Captain America, and that it all his idea. That he came in and said how much he wanted to help the youth of today.And the Avengers all lose it because someone is running around doing an unbelievably good impression of Captain America, they could have destroyed his reputation, they could have infiltrated the Avengers; and instead all they are apparently using it for is to make silly, embarrassing videos.
It’s completely baffling. Who could possibly be behind it all?
lasf;klaslk;f YEAH (also fuck yeah i’m including both jarvis and friday in on this they’re brother and sister i refuse to give up either)
Supposedly, Justin Hammer released the footage to make sure that the Avengers’ public image was ruined. You know, the usual stuff. See someone in their underwear, cursing, occasionally crying and eating yogurt on the floor at two in the morning.
What Hammer never expected was everyone to be laughing their asses off because Tony Stark doesn’t even mean to be funny, he just stares into his camera like he’s at the office.
Stark cameras are always equipped with a clear image, audio, and the ability to zoom. Since Jarvis and Friday think they’re hilarious, they have full control of the perspectives capture. Jarvis is usually the one who takes care of the serious things, but Friday likes adding zoom and special swivel effects, because she’s the punk kid.
So the public gets compilations of “Tony Stark Wanting to Die But It’s Ten Minutes Long.”
It starts with the first roll of footage. Clint asks if you could eat the beans they put into Beanie Babies.
Tony looks straight into the camera, face entirely dead.
The next instance is when Bucky and Natasha are having a fight, there are knives involved, and one grazes past Tony and creates a hole in his shirt. He just looks over at it, and then looks directly into the camera.
“What the fuck,” he says.
And then, they’re having a meeting about how Steve nearly died, and Steve says it wasn’t that bad, he just leaped from a plane that was in the fucking air, no big deal there, and Tony just blinks, slowly swivels, and looks dead in the camera.
“I want to die.”
“Tony! We’ve talked about you!” Bucky yells. “You can’t say shit like that to the camera, what if whoever is watching thinks you’re serious?!”
“If the footage gets released then millennials are gonna see it, and they relate to me,” Tony says. “The Spidey-kid says it all the time.”
“Shouldn’t you get him help?”
“Nah, he said eating Tide Pods was a joke, and now that’s passed. So I think he’s okay, I talked with his aunt about it.”
The footage then cuts to Clint and Bruce doing some sort of dance game on a motherfucking Wii, who let that into his house, and Clint made Bruce dance to “When I Grow Up” by the Pussycat Dolls, and he just walks away slowly.
“I wish I couldn’t see, I wish I couldn’t see, I wish I couldn’t see.”
The public’s view of Iron Man goes up by fifty percent. It’s awesome.
This is the MCU we deserved
The Steve Rogers ‘goddamn fucking republicans’ compliation
The Natasha Romanoff ‘fuck if I know shrug’ compliation
The Clint Barton ‘omg someone get this guy a guide-adult’ compliation
The Bruce Banner ‘ten times the Hulk almost joined a conversation’ compliation
The Thor ‘obvious delight at being introduced to new Midgardian things’ compilation
The Bucky Barnes ‘damnit, Steve!’ compilation
The Sam Wilson ‘facepalm’ compilation
Peter helps FRIDAY and JARVIS make the compilations.
“Listen, Cap and I have our differences but I have enough respect for him to put that aside and mark down his exact time of death.”
“Oh my god.”
“All I’m saying is Hydra’s been trying since the forties but Captain America was murdered in cold blood right here right now by a high schooler.”
“Tony—“
“The ice couldn’t even do it but that’s because no amount of arctic ice in the world could measure up to the iconic freezer burn my kid just gave him.”
wupacing 