Today I was rehearsing with the guitarist from the show I’m doing and I was coughing up a lung bc I’m sick and I was just kidding but I told him he needed to bring me a lemon for me to slice up and put in a cup of tea and so I show up to the show tonight to get ready and he sets down a big ass lemon on my dressing room table and then brings out like 5 boxes of Halloween Oreos and for those of you who pay attention to my posts you know what a big fucking deal that is and so long story short I now have a lemon and more Oreos than I know what to do with
update: tonight he brought me 2 lemons and a bag of cough drops. i’m running out of room in my fruit drawer in the fridge because i have so many damn lemons.
LIFE IS GIVING U LEMONS, MAKE SO LEMONADE !!!!!
okay but it wasn’t life it was a guy named howard
Update: tonight there were 3 lemons
Update: 4 lemons
Another update: I have 10 lemons and a date for Friday night
update: lemon boy carved pumpkins to ask me to be his lemon girl so lemon boy is now lemon boyfriend
update: lemon boyfriend and lemon girlfriend are very happy
update: lemon boyfriend and lemon girlfriend took a trip to the mountains this summer and decided that once they’ve graduated & are successfully pretending to be grown ups they will become lemon husband and lemon wife
hey guys guess what it’s been 2 years since the pumpkins and
we’re still each other’s biggest fans
Omg this is the cutest story 😍
THE TAG ON THE FIRST POST SAID HER ROOMMATE HAD A HUGE thing for him what HAPPENED!!!!
my roommate the time had a serious boyfriend of a few years and tried to tell me i couldn’t date howard. turns out she wasn’t the greatest friend and i didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life. so i got a new roommate. Howard.
“I’ve known her since I was seven. I had a crush on her even back then. But she lived back in the Dominican Republic, so I’d only get to see her during the summer. We just got tired of being apart. So I asked her to marry me. My parents were against it. I was twenty-one. I was going to City College. I was still living at home and they thought I wasn’t ready. And there was definitely some truth to that. I had to drop out of school once she moved in with us. I couldn’t handle everything. At first I was depressed but I started to progress quickly at work. I got raise after raise. We moved out of my parents’ house and got a small apartment in the Bronx. Now I’m studying to get my electrical license. I’ve seen a lot of the guys I work with start their own companies. You’ve just got to want it. You’ve got to want to move up, and you can find a way. The marriage has been great and it’s been tough. We have a two-year-old daughter now. It’s a lot of work. But it’s also awesome to go home everyday and find two people who love me.”
Sometimes I think about how the way I met my wife was like a fanfiction
We both had a scholarship to a college soccer team and were the only two competing for center forward, we hit it off instantly and became close friends right away. When our team went to nationals, we had to share a bed and ended up snuggling (and I was, up until that point, absolutely not a physically affectionate person). After we returned home I kept sneaking into her room because I couldn’t sleep without her. Our friends started accusing us of being together and talking crap so, to spite them, we thought it would be a good idea to fake date and sometimes held hands and stuff. We ended up kissing right before she left the country for almost a month and we basically pretended it never happened, and when she came back it happened again and again and then escalated. Cue these lines, verbatin:
Me: *grabs the hand heading between my legs* “Wait, wait.” *sighs, drops forehead to hers* “We’re idiots.”
Her, breathlessly, eyes on my lips: “I’ve always been an idiot.” *swoops in for another kiss*
We ended up taking and decide to be friends with benefits, but JUST kissing benefits, no sex, and then 5 minutes later we had sex. We sleep together for a couple weeks (all the time, any and everywhere) before deciding to make it official, then after another couple weeks say I love you (initially via her closing her eyes and moving her palm from her heart to mine back and forth like a useless lesbian), then about a month later talk about how we wanna get married.
Fast forward a year and we go to university together and we’re roommates. Fast forward four years and we’re married and eloping to Harry Potter World and the beach. Fast forward almost 7 years from when we met and we’re living in the same hometown we first met in and she’s the assistant coach for the team we used to play for. Sex life better than ever (“that much great sex all the time after years together in fics is unrealistic” my ass), I can’t cook for shit but I try, we ride bikes around town and we’re basically the only gays in the village and there’s a little rainbow statue on the outside of our windowsill.
7 years ago I was so in love with her I could barely breathe, and I love her a thousand times more now than I did then.
Tonight at the gym a man who looked like fuckin Thor asked me out and when I told him I was a lesbian he goes “oh. Chill. You know, my sister and I work out a lot together. She’ll be here tomorrow, same time.”
So at one of my jobs I work with this really nice woman named Liz who has an equally nice boyfriend. Thing is, I don’t know the boyfriends name because Liz only addresses him as boytoy. The term boytoy is used so frequently to describe him that not only does she have no problem using that term but neither do any of her coworkers including myself. One day Liz told me that he would be stopping by and when some dude with a beard came through the door I looked at him and said, “Mr.toy I presume.” And he just looks at me and goes; “The very one.”
wupacing 