something that i despise that happens a lot in gay media is where gay character 1 cant come out to their family because of various reasons and gay character 2, who they’re usually in a long term relationship w/ at this point, says some shit like “youre ashamed of me…………..you wont even tell your family about us, about the fact you’re gay…………i dont think i can be in this relationship if you’re going to keep me……a secret…..” and its not called out as being manipulative/abusive as fuck like if someone says something like that to you, you need to get OUT of that relationship immediately
there’s also the trope where gay character’s friend gets mad at the gay character for not telling them they’re gay. like their fucking feelings matter more than the gay person’s safety and comfort.
straight people really do not understand that we would never do/say these kinds of things to each other. ever. we know exactly how much these things hurt.
Addressing the first trope – it can be very damaging for someone who is ready to be out and proud to be forced to stifle the fact that they’re in a relationship. It can cause you to feel shame over what you naturally are.
There are many aspects to the journey of coming out and unfortunately sometimes you need those to coincide with your partner’s in order to continue the relationship 🤷🏼♀️
That doesn’t give you a right to manipulate the situation to tell your partner they must be ashamed of the relationship or etc, what the fuck? If you can’t understand that people cannot all safely come out to their family or in certain situations, you should only seek out and be with people who you know for a fact are 100% out. You cannot manipulate the feelings of another person to center yourself and your need to be 100% out at all times. That’s your responsibility to address if you know that is a hang-up for you.
It is abusive or toxic at the least to pressure your partner, who you know isn’t 100% out, to come out simply to make you feel better. Endangering your partner or gaslighting them in order to make them feel as though they are harming you by protecting themselves is not okay and never will be okay. Like?
about that second one: I feel like its the liberal’s “acceptable” way to be homophobic. Like they normalize the character being upset that someone close to them is gay, but they don’t want that character to seem like a bad person, so they make it about the gay character hiding themselves. its especially egregious when other characters reveal something equally or more shocking and character rolls right past it.
Honestly, if not being out is a dealbreaker for you, then don’t date someone who isn’t out. But don’t do the thing where you come out in the process and then try to force them to as well when they aren’t ready. you always have the option to break up with them (without giving ultimatums and whatnot).
Protip for men: if marriage is a horrifying concept for you and you think it is an evil trap, do not buy a ring and ask a woman to marry you
I’m way over seeing radical feminist bullshit on my dash. This isn’t even social justice or a real issue.
sorry that not marrying someone you dont loathe is radical feminism i guess?
women: don’t propose or get married if u don’t like the thought of marriage
men: what kind of sjw fuckery
the other bit that this implies is:
If you like your wife, act like it. Even around your friends. Be open and honest about liking your wife, liking spending time with her, and not being resentful of the shared work of building a household. Let your buddies know you can’t hang out with them because you’d rather be home with your wife, whom you like, because she is your legit bff, even though you know your buddies are gonna mock you for it.
Stand up to your buddies. Tell them mocking isn’t cool and you don’t want them to do it anymore. Challenge the other men in your life to be better men.
That is what “don’t get married if you think marriage is an evil trap” implies to men who are married. And while it’s all completely reasonable I imagine that it’s scary as fuck when it’s just so much easier to har de har har the little woman’s such a nag, ain’t she, don’t we all hate being married so much? with other men.
In that context, “don’t get married if you think marriage is an evil trap” is kindof a radical statement.
The number of guys I work with who are engaged who started pulling the “uh oh, life over soon, har har” shit that I have completely shut down with a simple “well if you don’t want to get married, then don’t”…*sigh* And they’re just like, hem, haw, welllll if I don’t then she might not stay with meee, which I respond to with “well, sounds like you need to have a pretty serious and honest conversation with your fiancee about your feelings then” and then the *panic!* look…When you remove that easy “hah hah ball-and-chain” narrative, watch the reaction. Some of them (to a female friend) will mumblingly admit that they love their fiancee and are excited to be married. Others…all you get is fear.
That’s the disservice we do men by refusing to teach boys how to explore their emotional needs. It hurts everyone. I watched three male friends walk into marriages I can tell they weren’t ready for and didn’t want, just because it was expected and they had no tools for emotional self-examination. Two of those marriages are (shockingly) in crisis, a couple years later. One has kids involved now. It’s more than a little heartbreaking. The marriages I see that are working? Are the guys with the emotional maturity to talk to their wives and who don’t care if everyone knows they’re in love with them.
SERIOUSLY.
My friend is getting married this summer and when I congratulated her fiance on their engagement he said to me “Yeah well you know, women. This is what they want so you have to bite the bullet.” and my other friend’s husband who was sitting next to him laughed and agreed. If this is how you feel, don’t get married. Don’t propose. Just…. Don’t. Do it. Any of it.
Straight people think that doing things you really don’t want to do – like marriage and having kids – is normal cos they’re still stuck in a fucking 19th century mindset.
It’s why I know my best friend got a good one, he’s open about how much he loves her and he’s excited to be getting married and regularly contributes ideas and has his own input, it’s nice to see
It filters through as well. Even being gay, a lot of my straight friends don’t understand why I spend so much time with my husband. Because I love him? Because I enjoy his company? Because he’s my best friend? I can’t count the amount of straight people that have told me that they think it’s “weird” that my husband and I spend so much quality time together. The only person who understood was my mom, whose response was: “If you love someone and genuinely enjoy their company, why WOULDN’T you want to spend your free time with them?!”
How can anyone look at their impending marriage and think ‘oh no, it’s all over now’ like???? I’ve only felt so close to so many people in my life, but those small few were like?? I’d wake up in the morning excited to be awake just to look forward to SEEING them. I’d catch myself with this stupid idiot grin in broad daylight just THINKING ABOUT BEING AROUND THEM. I’d sleep easy with them in my head, shitty days became perfect once I spoke to them. THAT’s how I imagine feeling again someday. I think about feeling that way for someone again and it’s like the whole future opens up. Marriage is finding your best friend in the whole wide world and wanting to have a sleepover every single day, and to agree to it and then go around groaning like your freedom is being stolen is a HUGE disrespect. If you have the freedom to share your life with anyone you like and you throw it around like baggage you really can’t expect it to grow, can you? You gotta care about yourself a little more than that I think
All of this.
Not to mention this mentality makes it’s way TO THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. How many weddings have we seen with something like this:
Like what kind of toxic mentality do you have to have to say this as the bride is about to walk down the aisle and marry someone who it’s now suggested doesn’t even want to be there?? How is this cute? How is this supposedly charming? This is supposed to be the person you love and want to be with! And not to mention that you send this down the aisle with a small child (the ring bearer or the flower girls)…I have a special loathing for things like this.
Holy shit I didn’t know that was even a thing.
This reminds me of a study I read about years ago with statistics on happiness/stability in relationships of people of various genders/orientations, and straight people were at the very bottom. (And lesbians were at the top! Not a huge surprise, given that women are generally more inclined to communicate and work out emotions and issues.)
Reblogging for the “last chance to run” comment. Honestly it’s so fucking gross.
And think about the people who marriage actually is an evil trap for, like child brides, or like people who can’t leave an abusive marriage because they’ll struggle financially.
walk into the party. almost every single guy has a purple cup. most of the girls have blue cups, but the purple cups are ONLY hitting up the girls with green cups (who range from “in a bitter breakup” to “i have a crush on my yoga instructor”). you walk into the backyard and there’s two people screamfighting with pink cups while a purple cup dude bolts past you and back into the party, zipping up. you put arsenic in a green cup and chug it in front of everyone and then they cheer and you don’t remember the last part because youre dead now so i guess ur relationship status is indeed complicated
wupacing 