Tag: self-care

roachpatrol:

toastyhat:

xenoqueer:

toastyhat:

how do you get rid of the part of yourself that wants to passively fish for sympathy/praise?

Three things. First, just ask for the praise. People are a lot more forthcoming with compliments if they know you’re open to them. There’s a persistent and subtle belief that praise should be saved for special occasions and that it’s excessive (effusive) if given freely.

Second, be more giving with compliments and praise to other people. Most people will hear a genuine compliment, and respond with one in return. This has the benefit of both making you more practiced in giving people meaningful compliments, as well as getting more direct positivity in your life.

Third, praise yourself. There’s a belief that taking pride in your own accomplishments is vanity. That’s super, duper bullshit. Play yourself up constantly. It will feel fakey and gross at first, but over time you’ll become much more able to actually look at your own actions and see when you’re doing something good, and believe in that goodness.

I suppose as a bonus 4th thing, you could look into behavioural therapy techniques and see if any suit your needs, as well, but they can be pretty hard to self administer.

nice

honestly i used to be really stressed out even hinting that i wanted comments for my fanfic but forcing myself into just slamming a chapter on my tumblr with the tags PLEASE PRAISE ME FOR THIS has been great for me emotionally so i do that a lot more now. 

pearcult:

Ok so this post is extremely long and I put it all together for my blogs Feeling sad page but as I don’t have a huge amount of followers I realize so many people are not seeing this information so I’m posting it here too!

alternatives without harming yourself:

  • holding/squeezing ice.
  • splashing your face with water.
  • getting a rubber band and snapping it against your skin (this could hurt, though it’s better than other ways that people usually choose to self-harm).
  • take a hot shower or bath.
  • eat something sour. it will take your mind of the urge. (lemon, sour lollies)
  • massage where you want to self-harm.
  • get a red pen or red paint and draw/paint over where you usually self-harm.
  • remind yourself as to why you shouldn’t do it. (scars, harms organs, leave memories etc…)
  • describe what you are feeling. (is the urge/pain in your chest, fists, legs, arms, head).

killing yourself will not help. it is not a solution.

you have your whole life ahead of you. you have so many more years that you can accomplish things in.
for example;

  • having a family.
  • getting married.
  • to watch the sun rise.
  • to watch the sun set.
  • to save someone else’s life.
  • finish school.
  • get your dream job.
  • to laugh.
  • to smile.
  • to go camping.
  • travel to new places.
  • to wake up every morning to the person you love.
  • friends.
  • family.
  • to keep that promise you made.
  • to accomplish a goal.
  • to meet your idol.
  • to listen to new music.
  • theme parks.
  • video games.
  • chocolate.
  • to be able to look back and say “i made it”.

what you’re going through is temporary.

in case you need to hear this:

  • you are loved.
  • you are wanted.
  • you are needed.
  • you are beautiful.
  • you are handsome.
  • you are important.
  • you are not alone.
  • you are okay.
  • you are strong.
  • you are worth it.
  • you are smart.
  • you are not a failure.
  • you are useful.
  • you are going to be okay.

———————————————————————————————————

abuse

coping

chat rooms

add/adhd

coping

medication

addiction

coping and recovery

anger

coping

anxiety

coping

panic attacks

medication

bipolar disorder

coping

medication

chat rooms

depression

coping

medication

chat room

eating disorders

recovery

friends with illness

grief and loss

ocd

coping and treatment

chat rooms

perfectionism

coping

ptsd

coping

schizophrenia

coping

treatment

self-harm

self-love

suicide

therapy

———————————————————————————————————

the quiet place

things to do when you feel bad

when you’re not having a good day

reminders

self care suggestions

take a break

the thoughts room

90 second relaxation

the dawn room

the comfort spot

control a rainstorm

calm

how to make changes in your life

imalive

crisischat

7 cups of tea

kids help phone

positive love network

trans lifeline: 877-565-8860

depression hotline: 1-630-482-9696

suicide hotline: 1-800-784-8433

lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

trevor project: 1-866-488-7386

sexuality support: 1-800-246-7743

eating disorders hotline: 1-847-831-3438

rape and sexual assault: 1-800-656-4673

grief support: 1-650-321-5272

runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

exhale: after abortion hotline/pro-voice: 1-866-439-4253

reverseracism:

pervocracy:

pervocracy:

When someone disagrees with you online and demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a complete and logically sound defense including citations, you can save a lot of time by not doing that.

Bro, I’ve known you for twelve seconds and enjoyed none of them, I’m not taking homework assignments from you.

This got a lot of responses from people pointing out that evidence is a key part of intellectual inquiry, discourse, and debate.  That being able to support your beliefs is a key critical thinking skill.  Which is 100% true.

Except that you don’t actually have to participate in intellectual discourse any time some fucko on the Internet tells you to.

There’s a vast difference between “this is an important thing to be able to do,” and “this is a thing that you must be continuously available to perform in public for any stranger who asks.”

It’s important people read and understand this.

petalya:

petalya:

in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y’all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!

With this in mind, this also makes me think of the ways people describe us. When people say the reasons that they love/like you or describe you as a person, are they only naming ways that you serve them? Are they equating your worth with how much you do for them?

ex. “You’re such a good listener. You’re so generous, you’re so compassionate. You’re always there for me. You always hold me down. You’re reliable”

vs.

“You’re so funny! You’re very vibrant. You’re creative, passionate, and intelligent. You’re optimistic. You’re so talented at ____” , etc. I think that’s very telling.

sometimesyouhavetobebrave:

mememic-bry:

mememic-bry:

mememic-bry:

executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either

ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.

I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.

anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such: 

sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.

“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.

one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.

let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.

when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.

getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.) 

  • “what was I trying to do?” 
  • “was I trying to decide between two things?” 
  • (the answer’s usually yes.) 
  • “what were they?” 
  • “okay, let’s decide. 
  • “okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
  • and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.

so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”-  then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”-  and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.

and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛

I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!

a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!

!!!!

vincedakota:

i think the worst idea that this site has popularized vis a vis mental health is that its okay to treat your friends like therapists, and that its expected they react like one when you have an episode or breakdown

its a lot like approaching a friend and going “hey, you bandaged my cooking burn once, can you give me open heart surgery?” and getting upset when either they refuse to do so or getting hurt when they dont have the knowledge needed to do it safely.

people can support you, and they can help you out of rough patches, but relying on them for your continued functionality and stability is stressful and dangerous for everyone involved.

fictionadventurer:

One of the more profound things I’ve heard recently came from a Mr. Rogers documentary. In a clip from his show, Mr. Rogers had just visited with a musician, and tells his audience that some people play music, and some people don’t, and that’s okay.

And then he said, “The important thing is to find something you feel good about doing.”

That phrasing struck me. “Something you feel good about doing”. Most people would have phrased it as “something you enjoy doing”. Or “something you’re good at doing”. But Mr. Rogers’ subtly different phrasing leads to a profoundly different connotation. “Something you feel good about doing” may not be enjoyable–people who work in hospitals or in disaster zones might not enjoy much of their day, but they probably feel good about helping people. “Something you feel good about doing“ may not be something you’re particularly good at–you may be a terrible artist by any objective standard, but if you feel good about making your art, then it’s a worthwhile endeavor. Looking for “something you feel good about doing” can help you find a truly satisfying life path.

That phrase is also helpful with daily decision-making. Too often, I can make choices based on “what feels good.” I put aside tasks that are too stressful or avoid activities that seem too difficult, in favor of mindlessly browsing the internet. And I enjoy myself. I feel good while I’m doing that. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel good about how I spent my time. However, reminding myself to do “something I feel good about doing” can motivate me to accomplish those more difficult tasks. It can push me to do something outside of my comfort zone, to try something new that I might not be much good at. And maybe this is a blindingly obvious philosophy to everyone else. But I’m grateful for the reminder. 

elodieunderglass:

vestais:

I have been working on this comic “Undergrowth” for the past month and I’m so happy to finally be able to share it with you!! This is the reason I haven’t been posting as much art on tumblr. I was very inspired by people who depict personal growth as a potted plant, and I wanted to do my own take on that idea: I think of it more as an entire forest or ecosystem within a person.

I hope reading this will inspire you to keep improving as a person even though it’s a process that is so difficult and convoluted.

[commission] [ko-fi] [Please do not repost my work!]

oh this is EVERYTHING

adventures-in-poor-planning:

madtomedgar:

thinking about the statement that all maladaptive coping mechanisms were helpful and, well, adaptive, at some point, and that they become maladaptive when the circumstance changes or when their detriments outweigh their benefits, and how the framework of “this is no longer helpful to you” is probably better than “this is a bad habit/this is bad for you.” How much better “you don’t have to live like that anymore” feels than “that’s a bad habit you picked up when you were in a bad place.” “It’s ok, you can look now,” vs “you’ve been tainted/infected/sullied by a previous bad circumstance.”

Thought about this today while reading about hermit crabs. 

Hermit crabs start out their lives tiny and defenceless, and they choose a small shell to protect them. When they grow too big for the shell, big enough that it stops them from growing more, they abandon it and move on to a shell better for them at that size.

Does that mean the old shell was a terrible mistake? No, because it protected them back when they were smaller and more defenceless! But now it’s limiting their growth, and it’s time for them to find a better shell.

Humans, like hermit crabs, pick up shells when we need protection. Sometimes, we need to ditch those shells to keep growing! If we look at them as shells instead of Irredeemable Moral Failures, it’s a hell of a lot easier to let them go.