here’s a useful expression: “i don’t have a preference but i’d be happy to choose.”
sounds a little odd or maybe contradictory? but i spend a lot of time around people who, for various reasons, often run up against choice paralysis, that agonizing state where making a decision seems impossible.
so i use this sentence to clarify a few things.
1. are you just being polite and offering me the chance to choose first? if so, i have given you the go ahead to decide for us
2. are you having difficulty deciding? if so, i have made it clear that even though im not invested in any particular option, i am willing and able to make the decision for us.
When someone disagrees with you online and demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a complete and logically sound defense including citations, you can save a lot of time by not doing that.
Bro, I’ve known you for twelve seconds and enjoyed none of them, I’m not taking homework assignments from you.
This got a lot of responses from people pointing out that evidence is a key part of intellectual inquiry, discourse, and debate. That being able to support your beliefs is a key critical thinking skill. Which is 100% true.
Except that you don’t actually have to participate in intellectual discourse any time some fucko on the Internet tells you to.
There’s a vast difference between “this is an important thing to be able to do,” and “this is a thing that you must be continuously available to perform in public for any stranger who asks.”
Yesterday my dad told me something that I think maybe more people need to hear.
You’re allowed to just do things for fun.
He told me that in this modern society, especially the United States, we seem to have this attitude that we shouldn’t do something unless we’re aiming to be the best at it. If we can’t sing like Beyonce or Frank Sinatra or something there’s no point to singing. If we can’t make the next big breakthrough there’s no point in looking into mechanics and engineering.
But, he tells me, it took him a long time to figure out that life doesn’t have to be a race. If you want to take up the piano when you’re a teenager or later you’re not going to master it. You’re not going to be able to play to huge concert halls, but that also shouldn’t stop you. You can study a language out of curiosity and then drop the ball if you want. You can just get okay at something or even be terrible at it. You can drop it for days or years and then pick it up again and it doesn’t have to be a shameful thing.
I’m really glad he told me that because today I opened my sketchpad for the first time in months and just started drawing. And it looks terrible. But I don’t care. I don’t have the talent or patience or spacial awareness to get anywhere near good at drawing, but it’s fun. It helps me focus my mind and nobody has to see it.
And because of what he told me, I’m thinking maybe someday soon I will take up the bass guitar. And I won’t worry about how well I do, or how fast I learn, or that I haven’t played an instrument since sixth grade, or that I don’t have that much time to practice. I’m just gonna enjoy the experience. Maybe I’ll try swing dancing again and take a class because I’m not the best dancer but damn if it isn’t fun.
Yeah, you don’t have to be good at things. It’s not a requirement. Maybe that seems obvious but it had never occurred to me before. You’re allowed to just enjoy what you’re doing. For me, that feels like a life changing revelation. I don’t have to be good at something to like it. I don’t have to put 100% effort into everything I do. It’s kind of amazing.
I think it says a lot that only now am I getting angry comments on this post. It has over 116,000 notes and it got there in a mostly peaceful way. Go and enjoy your life people. Whether you master something or not. Have fun. You don’t need to be good at everything you do to be happy and it’s never too late to start something.
Fuck anyone who says I have to forgive everyone, “for my sake.” I worked hard for this anger. I worked hard to love myself enough to hate them.
Shit, yeah, this is a thing that is hard to articulate. Some people don’t feel healed by forgiving the people who hurt them, because that’s what they kept doing over and over and it only led to getting more hurt. Sometimes you feel healed when you’re finally brave enough to say “This person was horrible to me, and I did not deserve that treatment, and I don’t have to be okay with it.”
something that has really worked for me in terms of self improvement is trying to form a single habit at a time. i’ve self-sabotaged countless of times trying to turn my life around in a single night, like, writing down a schedule where i’m going to wake up early, do yoga, cook my own food, work six hours and then write for another two, etc, etc, and like, that does help form a coherent picture of what you want your life to look like, it helps visualizing the path before you, but it just like… the Disorders get in the way, and even with a quote unquote healthy brain it’s not something anyone can just achieve overnight. so like, for example, last year i started forming the habit of reading for half an hour before i go to bed instead of scrolling my phone, and this year i added journaling, too. i just started forming the habit of not scrolling tumblr as soon as i wake up and i’m saving a lot of time in my mornings.
and like, it wasn’t something that i immediately got used to, i was so upset the first time i forgot to write about my day or sometimes i end up googling useless stuff instead of reading a book, but now it seems more natural than not to do these things.
i think my point is, and maybe this is obvious but it truly has been a reality check and a revelation for me, is that focusing on a single, small thing is so much more helpful than beating yourself over not being able to suddenly become a healthy person with healthy habits. forming habits takes time, adopting healthy routines takes time, and trying to do it all at once is incredibly discouraging, but little things add up.
I first read about a technique like this in a Rookie article, How to Structure Your Days If You’re Depressed. After reading it I decided I wanted to try it, and made it my goal to wash my face every day before bed. It wasn’t easy at first, and I still miss some days, but I can already tell it’s helping me and I feel more capable and more in control of my life. Plus my face looks a lot better, so I’m starting to feel more self-confident. Anyways basically I just mean to say that this is really solid advice I wish I’d known about earlier and I hope if you’re reading this and have trouble structuring your days that you give it a shot!
Bob Ross was paid $0 to make his series. He made a living giving lessons IRL and later selling his own line of paints and brushes.
I apologize for not reblogging him as much but everyone needs this on their dash daily. Seriously everyone needs this on their blog or wherever.
Do they rerun this anymore or no?
Words of wisdom!
Forgiveness is not a matter of exonerating people who have hurt you. They may not deserve exoneration. Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of the bitterness of ‘what might have been,’ ‘what should have been,’ and ‘what didn’t have to happen.’ Someone has defined forgiveness as ‘giving up all hope of having had a better past.’ What’s past is past and there is little to be gained by dwelling on it. There are perhaps no sadder people then the men and women who have a grievance against the world because of something that happened years ago and have let that memory sour their view of life ever since.
wupacing 