We live in a society which not only facilitates the abuse and assault of women but which also demands that they “prove it” by giving the intimate details of their trauma to courtrooms full of strangers (in some cases televised for the entire world)? That’s no kind of due process, it’s barbarity
And knowing what we do about trauma and the brain/body, and retraumatization, the fact that the process is still set up this way tells us that at best the justice system is indifferent to women’s emotional and physical health, and at worst it’s designed to punish them for telling the truth about men
Guys ask why women are so pissed off. Even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He’s done it with hundreds of audiences:
“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.
Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don’t go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don’t put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man’s voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don’t use parking garages. Don’t get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don’t use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don’t wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don’t take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don’t make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”
― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help
(The first man to minor in women’s studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master’s degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)
Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
i guess the one thing i’ve taken away from the kavanaugh hearing is that every woman has a story. watching dr ford talk was terrible since her pain- and the constancy of it- is clear, but talking about it later with friends, with coworkers, it brings out your own horrors.
my coworker in her fifties told me about a boy in her high school who forcibly undressed her in the backseat of a car as another boy drove her home. her shirt was unbuttoned the entire way down, her bra out and pants unzipped, and she didn’t notice until after she’d run inside her home when the car stopped. i told her about my ex who i had to knee in the stomach once when he was drunk out of his mind and refused to take no for an answer. i told her how i worry about his current girlfriend.
i dated that boy for another two months. my coworker still talked to both guys the following monday at school like nothing happened. her husband thinks dr ford is lying and out to ruin a man’s career.
believe women. believe survivors. having a story shouldn’t be the goddamn norm.
This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.
I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.
an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want – it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.
Seriously if you see this and don’t reblog it, I have NO respect for you
You can literally invent a fictional man in a sentence long Tumblr post as a rhetorical device whose only character trait is that he’s an abuser and some dude will still try to argue that he’s misunderstood and the woman he hurt is a bitch.
you could share an article where the only information known about someone’s abuser is that he was abusive and some dude will still argue that she’s a liar and even if she wasn’t lying she probably deserved it and he is the real victim
you could say “I was raped” without even identifying your rapist, not accusing anyone, just straight up saying you’re a survivor, and some dude will send you hate mail talking bout “false accusations ruin men’s lives!! how dare you, you lying selfish cunt!”
lmao, like it doesn’t even surprise me anymore. they will literally defend any abuser or rapist just for being an abuser or rapist. doesn’t matter if they know him or if he’s even real, cause it’s not even about him– these dudes are literally just telling on themselves.
Something in the Kavernaugh or however you spell it, accusation got me thinking when a white house lawyer said if they can take down a scotus nominee with a rape allegation than no man is safe. They protect that random guy so he’ll protect them when the woman he harmed comes calling. Its like a sick game of pay forward but instead of coffee its being protected from the horrible shit they’ve done to women.
Has this been done yet? Because I love you Elrond but wtf. [Screencap credit]
LAUGHING BUT CRYING INSIDE
Every time I watch the siege at Helm’s Deep I get so annoyed. Yes, arm ten-year old boys who can’t see over the battlements or through a helmet, and old men who struggle to lift a sword. Meanwhile you have a cave full of brawny abled bodied adult women who’ve been lifting barrels of mead, wrestling animals on farms, and chopping wood all their lives, relegated to cowering in a cave waiting to be slaughtered.
“As their press duties have continued, Munn said, many of her co-stars have canceled scheduled interviews with her; another, she said, walked out of an interview when the issue of the cut scene came up. When Munn decided to give a comment to the Times, she told Smith, she reached out to all of her co-stars privately to encourage them to make statements of their own. “I wanted them to not be blindsided the way I was blindsided, and I encouraged them to put out a statement once the L.A. Times reached out to us,“ Munn said. “I was surprised that none of them did. Again that’s their prerogative. Right now the reality is that there will be people who wear Time’s Up pins and say they support Time’s Up, [but] there will be people in Time’s Up who aren’t really down with the cause.””
👏👏👏
I… actually have no idea what the context of this is, even after reading a large chunk of the article. Help?
Ok, so Shane Black hired a friend of his who is a convicted sex offender and didn’t tell any of the cast about it and Olivia was piiiiissed and she insisted on having her scene with him cut from the movie and she made a big fuss and some of her costars didn’t really back her play and avoided media with her because they didn’t want any political heat, so she feels hung out to dry.
@smallswingshoes From what I understand, Shane Black CLAIMED he didn’t know why his friend was convicted. He said he was told that his friend was chatting with a young relative and was showering her with compliments and telling her she was beautiful and sexy in order to boost her confidence. The truth was he was chatting with a fourteen year old girl very explicitly. Whether Black knew that or not is irrelevant. He has cast this man in multiple productions, never alerted anyone, and was helping make him a smalltime star.
He never gave anyone any choice in the matter and stars have a different level of power. By making his a small-time action actor, he was making a lot of children look up to a man convincted of preying on kids. It’s really sick.
Serena Williams standing up for herself while referee accuses her of cheating. She had been docked points for coaching that didn’t happen.
This is so….so much deeper than what’s on the surface.
This umpire basically accused her of cheating! And penalized her for his accusations. This is touchy for Serena being that they have been conspiring against her for the longest with the whole drug testing. She’s had it with them opposing her with no merit or basis! SHE HAS NEVER CHEATED which has been proven time after time with those negative results. and to accuse her of that during this game is why she is extremely and rightfully emotional! The pain and humiliation in her voice says it all. It really hurt her for him to accuse her of that so publicly too. He announced it during the match on the mic to everyone and now that’s like a stain on this moment forever. That’s why she’s demanding he apologize to her and say it over the loudspeaker. To set the record straight that she didn’t do what he alleged.
Honestly she has faced the most her entire career and her mental fortitude to endure it and still be dominant is a miracle. ALWAYS A QUEEN
(this match was painful & angering to watch)
What’s even more annoying is that later on in the game, she got even more frustrated (both due to this and the fact that her and her opponent were playing INCREDIBLY GOOD GAMES!) and smashed her racket, and was docked points. When she called the umpire a thief, he decided to make a power play and cost her a whole game.
Not only did he try to steal this moment from Serena, he also cast a shadow over what should’ve been an AMAZING victory for 20 year old Naomi Osaka, a Haitian-Japanese player who’s the first Japanese Player to win a Grand Slam tournament.
This umpire literally cast a huge stain over this moment for both of these women, all because a black woman spoke to him in a tone he didn’t like. Never in tennis has there been such a severe penalization for something like being called a “thief” when there’s a well-documented history of male tennis players saying much worse.
wupacing 