bro, a lot of men NEED to go to therapy not just for their own sake but for the sake of every person they have power over in their lives
if you are a grown ass adult man and you refuse to handle your personal issues that directly negatively impact the people around in varying degrees of harm, even leading up to abuse, that’s YOUR responsibility to fix. no one is saying abusive men dont have ‘reasons’ to be the way they are, but that doesnt change the fact that no one who isnt them can fix their shit
sure, when my grandfather fought nazis and fascism he was “a hero” and “on the right side of history” but when i do it im “way too sensitive” and “no better than they are”
That’s because when our white grandparents fought Nazis, it was for fear of them taking power away from other white people.
White Europeans and Americans were explicitly fine with genocide and the ideologies that led to it – a great many people, including Churchill, vocally supported most of what the Nazis were doing. Their only fight with Nazis was to maintain sovereignty from takeover.
Today’s Nazi-fighters usually have a problem with white supremacy and the antisemitism and racism etc behind it – which most of our white grandparents didn’t see a problem with and neither do many white people today.
This is why so many people don’t see any reason to stop the Nazis now, or why many others think it’s purely a struggle for Democrats or other neoliberal parties in other countries who might lose political power if they gain traction. Many people don’t see Nazis as a real problem unless they threaten the political power of other white people.
White supremacist organizations and movements have been a life-threatening scourge for people of colour and Jewish people this entire time. It’s really important that we focus on that as the real threat, or we risk having the same myopic perspective as generations past.
This was a great addition to my original post so I’m reblogging it.
Everyone going shopping on Black Friday, be aware of three things:
The retail workers are working 12 hours shifts. We are threatened with losing our jobs if we don’t show up unless we’re dying in the hospital. I had an assistant manager show up with fucking strep because he would’ve been fired otherwise. Yes, he did infect 7 and hospitalize 2 coworkers; who knows how many members of the public he infected.
The stores have, maybe, 5 of that special cheap thing you’re after. Corporate does this on purpose, and stores are not allowed to order enough. The prices aren’t even that much lower. They lie about how expensive something is to fool you into thinking you’re getting a discount. You aren’t.
Most of the workers you will come across will be new hires for the sole purpose of being bodies for about three months before they’re fired. They actually don’t know anything because they’ve been working there for maybe two weeks, and have had no real training. I was once hired at Staples a week before Black Friday and expected to know how to deal with phones, coupons, the online ordering site, and AS400 after five 6-hour shifts. This is the kind of person you will likely be dealing with at Black Friday.
Do me and my retail family a favor and don’t shop Black Friday. Any company that needs a sale day like Black Friday to get their sales out of the red doesn’t deserve to be in business.
This also goes for anyone that works shipment too. We’re suddenly expected to stay as late as they want you to even if they know you don’t have a car and rely on a ride to get you to and from work and know you can’t stay late. Shipment workers will suddenly start getting berated for not getting things done and it is by far the most stressful time to be a shipment worker for any store. Especially when they throw in new hires that don’t know how to process things and are expected to work at the same pace as the people that have worked there for a while.
Retail is shit around the holidays, especially Black Friday
ok fellow millenials, it’s time to kill black friday
I keep trying to not worry about rising antisemitism. Antisemitism is nothing new and if we up and left every time someone made a Jew joke, we’d never be still. And since I don’t have the means to leave the country, I can’t spend my emotional spoons worrying myself sick. But I also know that a lot of people who have tried to convince themselves of the same thing ended up murdered, and every community today exists because someone knew when it was time to get out.
I just got an email from my synagogue updating the congregants about new security efforts. We’re a small synagogue. Friday night services usually get around 15 people. We’re out in the boonies. We’re not fancy or rich. We don’t even usually do Saturday services because we’re too small. But the board unanimously decided to have armed guards at every service and event. Someone had already sponsored 6 months’ armed security for our Hebrew school, in case someone wants to come in and murder our children in cold blood. They’re talking of steel doors and a safe room, and self-defense classes for congregants.
Do you non-Jews understand? Do you understand the heartbreak and anxiety that we feel because we KNOW that these are practical steps for a non-zero possibility that someone will want to vandalize us, or set us on fire, or murder us and our children for no reason other than that we are Jews? Do you understand that this is happening in 2018 and it never went away? That your silence is complicit? That every equivocating tweet about “Zionists” and a philosophy you don’t understand, every time you defend kicking Jews out of your so-called progressive movements, every time you tell Jews that they’re basically white and privileged so stop complaining, it is another bullet in the chamber?
My mother was recently promoted to chair of her department and has decided to get a senior professor accused of sexual assault removed from the department. Her dean is not on her side, but she went over his head. I’m just asking that you all keep her in your thoughts, cus I’m worried about her losing her job over this (which my family can’t afford). And if anyone has any suggestions for ways she can protect herself as she goes down this path, it would be greatly appreciated.
I periodically feel so fucking sad for women in history. I feel like birth control in countries where it is widely used has made women forget an aspect of male cruelty and sociopathy that is now less apparent (giving the illusion that men have improved when only women’s defences against men have)—the fact that for most of history men could live with a woman for decades and not care that they were slowly killing her with endless back-to-back pregnancies which not only resulted in early death more often than not, but also in a total smothering of the woman’s spirit and talents. I saw a quote by Anne Boyer the other day that called straight relationships for women “not only deadly, but deadening”—as I was reading Jill Lepore’s Book of Ages, a biography of Benjamin Franklin’s sister Jane, who was bright and loved reading and wrote some poetry, but had little time to make anything of her life in between her 12 pregnancies. Benjamin Franklin’s mother had 10 sons and 7 daughters. What could they possibly accomplish when their husbands kept impregnating them year after year after year throughout their entire adult life?
Charlotte Brontë eschewed marriage longer than most (writing to Ellen Nussey that she wished they could just set up a little cottage and live together) but she finally married at 38, became pregnant, and died before her 39th birthday. If she had married younger would Jane Eyre exist? I was reading that biography of Charity & Sylvia last month and comparing their life together in their little cottage to the life of their married female relatives, which was honestly hell on earth. One of Charity’s sisters had 18 children. Charity’s mother had 10 living ones, and probably some additional stillbirths. She gave birth to her first child age 19, in 1758, then to a pair of twins in 1760, then another child in 1761, another in 1763, another in 1765, another in 1767, another in 1769, another in 1771, another in 1774, another in 1777. Charity was the last child and her mother had been sick with tuberculosis for months when she became pregnant with her, and she died soon after giving birth.
I wish people would call this murder—this woman was murdered by her husband, like countless other women who do not ‘count’ as victims of male violence because straight sex is natural, pregnancy is natural, childbirth is natural. But when after 20 years of nonstop pregnancies this woman had tuberculosis and suffered from severe respiratory distress, severe weight loss, fever and exhaustion, and her husband impregnated her again, her death was expected. He must have known; he just didn’t care. This woman’s sister—Charity’s aunt—remained a spinster and outlived all of her married sisters by several decades, living well into her eighties. (Ironically, male doctors in her century asserted that sex with men was necessary for women’s health. The biographer quoted from a popular home health guide which said that old maids incurred grievous physical harm from a lack of sex with men.) And this aunt had the time and liberty to develop her skill for embroidery to such an extent that two museums still preserve her embroidered bed drapes. She accomplished something, she nurtured her talent and self. Her name was also Charity, and I find it interesting that Charity’s mother named her last daughter, whose pregnancy & birth killed her, after her childless, unmarried sister.
When I see women reblog my post about Sophia Tolstoy’s misery with her 13 children, adding comments like “thank god marriage is no longer synonymous with this”, I wonder if they realise that men have not magically become any kinder or more concerned about their female partner’s health and fulfillment, it’s just that women now have access to better ways of protecting themselves from their male partner’s indifference to their health and fulfillment.
We should be more pro-active or we’ll see more of such sad fates of honest people.
And the utterly ironic thing is I’ve seen repeated tumblr posts of that iconic photo absolutely slagging the shit out of Peter Norman as “lol white guy so uncomfortable” “Why the fuck isn’t he supporting them”, etc etc.
i think the moment i was disillusioned about life was when i was maybe 7 years old and realized the reason all my friends had become assholes was because boys aren’t allowed to have any physcial contact that isn’t fighting
my parents were hippie feminists so my brother and i could play clapping games and sleep in puppy piles and give each other weird hairdos, but all the ‘normal’ boys just up and stopped knowing how to touch anyone without hitting sometime between kindergarten and first grade
and my little kid mind briefly saw the vastness of life stretching out in front of all of us, and all the hugs everyone would need and not get, and for a moment i was just like
maybe life is not such a good idea after all
I grew up around a Russian ballet school. Let me tell you something about Russian men: They touch each other. Especially dancers, who are in my experience almost always super tactile people. They rough house like Americans, but they also hug each other, and sit on each other’s laps, and share blankets when it’s cold backstage.
So I grew up knowing full well that the whole Men Don’t Touch thing was puritanical bullshit.
What I was absolutely not prepared for, however, is the super intense effect it has on straight men’s romantic relationships.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.
I know for certain that the framing of any and all platonic physical contact as un-manly has been directly responsible for a lot of sexual dysfunction (and then the attendant misery of trying to get that treated at the ripe old age of 22) with at least one of my exes. It’s a mess when you can’t get it up because you’re depressed and want to be held but you’ve been brainwashed into thinking what you actually want is sex because being held is for girls.
Amazing how the erectile dysfunction went completely away when he learned the difference between feeling horny and feeling cuddly. /sarcasm
“I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.”
Omfg
No wonder the worst of them seem crazy… profound isolation does exactly that
When I taught in Japan, the boys were all super comfortable with each other. They’d sit on laps and hug and roughhouse and it wasn’t seen as bad ? Like it surprised me at first, but then you realize the problem is with so many men feeling that they have to prove… something? I dunno. I personally don’t like hugs or touches, but that is my own personal reasons and nothing of how I was brought up.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
Things I never thought of…I couldn’t imagine if my husband were the only person I was allowed to touch. As I think on it, that extends to the kids, too. The dudes aren’t allowed to really even cuddle their own damned children or nieces and nephews.
Wow.
Also explains why western media romanticizes co-dependency in romantic relationships to such an insane degree.
While I’m sure there are people too lazy to spin a fork, keep in mind people like this person who may be suffering from arthritis or a neurological disease or nerve damage or a thousand other conditions that might impair their ability to do things as simple as spin a fork to eat spaghetti.
These are used with people who can’t grip well:
This is for Parkinsons’s:
For people who can’t even bend their joints:
Here’s a product that guides your hand from your plate to your mouth
This one holds a sandwich
Like I get it. I used to see things like the fork and think “that’s fuckin’ lazy” or that product that holds a gallon and you just tip it and pour. But then I started working around the disabled and impaired and found out that these products aren’t meant for lazy people, they’re meant for people who need help.
So maybe next time you see something, instead of thinking “Wow, are people that lazy?” just be grateful that you’re able to do the things you do every day and take for granted, like being able to feed yourself and wipe your own ass because you have enough coordination and bendy joints to do it.
This isn’t specualtion either; the majority of products from commericals that we think are funny or silly are autally MEANT for hte disabled.But they are marketed towards the abled because the disabled aren’t considered a viable enough demographic on their own.
the Snuggie for example? Created for wheelchair users.
This is actually really nifty.
oh my god of course the snuggie was for wheelchair users
The fact that anyone buys these products besides disabled people drastically lowers the price of them. These would normally cost hundreds if not thousands if dollars. Because if spent time and money creating it, the company wants to get more than that back. And they can’t do that if they sell and market these primarily to disabled people for $20-$40 a piece or whatever. They’d lose money on production. If they can sell hundreds of them to everyone, they can lower the price drastically and therefore disabled people don’t die while trying to scrape up the money to buy these things and be a bit more independent.
I never considered that last part and that’s actually genius
Like yeah, a handful of people ARE that lazy.
But those are the people who use these products even though they don’t need them and thus allow the price to be lower for those who DO.
So honestly in this case good bless the lazy and those prone to gimmicks because they are invaluable to the elderly and disabled in this sense.
i think an aspect of rape culture that we don’t talk about often enough is the whole myth that ur first time is supposed to be painful and a bloody mess. like i know the myth itself has been addressed and debunked many times but we don’t talk about how intrinsically that is linked with rape culture. the normalisation of sex that causes physical harm and pain from the minute u become sexually active is so tragic and awful? like generations of girls have been lied to and told that it’s ok for you to physically suffer during ur first time having sex and so many boys have been convinced it’s not their responsibility to make sure that like….doesn’t happen? the number of conversations i’ve had with girl friends and we’ve exchanged stories of our first times and so many of them were in so much pain they told their partner to stop and he was like “dw it’s supposed to hurt” and carried on…..? or friends who casually mention bleeding for literally days afterwards ??? like that’s something that’s totally normal and not a sign of serious physical trauma? rape culture is honestly so disgusting and so pervasive and women have to put up with so much and im like so tired of it
The vast majority of women who bled during their first time with PIV, or their first few times, were actually bleeding from their interior vaginal walls because they weren’t aroused enough for penetration. The hymen exists to protect the interior of the vagina during fetal development and it begins to wear away starting at birth. Most women who are ready and going slow will not experience any pain let alone bleeding. It’s not a “safety seal” for a woman’s sexuality.
This is all so heartbreakingly true. The first time I had sex he got MAD that i didnt bleed because he thought I lied about being a virgin. I tried to tell him I was just really turned on and it felt good for my first time but he broke up with me shortly after because “ All girls are suppose to bleed their first time, its how we know theyre pure” LEGIT THAT WAS THE REASON.
Absolutely true. When I had my first time I didn’t tell him I was a virgin, and it didn’t hurt or bleed at all. It was all very ok. [Dude turned out to be a jackass after, as the guy above, tho, but not about this] And I spent a long time to understand what could be wrong with me that my body didn’t work like it was supposed to, even though it pretty much did!
This idea brings women more and more far away from trying to be aroused in sex, by the notion that you don’t really need to enjoy it, you need to get used to sex. I know girls who bled in their first 10 to 20 times having sex and thought it was normal, because they were not used to it.
wupacing 