I think one of the worst things about being a girl who likes girls is that men always assume you share their male gaze. When I see a pretty girl I’m imagining what it’d be like to hold her hand and kiss her, not hoping a gust of wind blows her skirt up. I don’t plan my outings based on which place has the hottest girls. I don’t find it appropriate to make lewd comments about women. Just because I like girls doesn’t mean I like to disrespect them or prey on them the way you do.
Whenever my male acquaintances find out I’m a lesbian they always start talking to me as if I was one of the boys and want to find out about my “conquests”. It’s really annoying considering I don’t like to think about women like that!
So this is a totally useless rant, but as a skinny girl, I’m getting extra, extra tired of fat-shaming.
I work for a corsetier at a Renaissance Faire. We sell corsets. Not flimsy bullshit costume corsets; like real, durable, waist-training corsets. Today a woman came in with her boyfriend, so I helped her pick out a corset and try it on. While her boyfriend—who was decidedly enthused about the whole corset thing—sat watching me lace her in, he told me, grinning, “Of all the good jobs at the Renaissance Faire, I think you have the best.”
I shrugged in agreement. “I touch butts and reach down cleavage all day; I mean…” Because we like to be a bit rakish at the Faire, and, y’know, it’s true. Tying people into corsets pretty much invariably requires getting handsy.
The couple laughed at that, and the boyfriend said, “That’s the job I would want!” But then he chuckled again and said, offhand, “Or maybe not; while we were looking at the racks, there were some pretty big sizes on there!”
Our sizes are all done in inches, and the biggest we make is a 46. And you’d better believe our large sizes sell. For a second I wasn’t sure what to say to the guy’s comment, but I answered him casually. “We get a lot of beautiful big ladies in here.” Because we do. “We make corsets for real women, not Barbie dolls,” I added. Wasn’t trying to be smart, just kind of tossed it out there because that’s the line we like to use when people ask about larger sizes, and because, again, we do.
The boyfriend went quiet at that; I didn’t think anything of it, I just kept on lacing. A moment later, he said, a little awkwardly (but sincerely enough), “Didn’t mean to be offensive.”
I quickly smiled and brushed it off, said he wasn’t, said I was just saying. (Don’t want to make the customers uncomfortable, you know?) And that was the end of it. His comment had rubbed me the wrong way, but it wasn’t a big deal. Now, I wear a 20-inch corset. I’m a few cup sizes short of being one of the Barbie dolls. Like his girlfriend, I’m one of the “hot chicks”; he doesn’t have to worry about offending me by implying that I wouldn’t be fun to poke and pull at.
Honestly though, of all the people I fit sexy technically-undergarments to in a day, fat girls are maybe my favorite people to lace up. Because they are just so damn happy that we have stuff that fits them. They are so damn happy that the corsets we make in their sizes are all the same pretty, shiny colors and cool flower/dragon/skull/etc. prints that the smaller corsets are, not ugly beige and boring “granny” colors. They are so goddamn happy that at least one (of several on the grounds) corset shop carries things that they can wear, that they actually want to wear, and that they look fucking awesome in. This is only my second season working, and we’ve fit 60+ inch waists and double-K busts. The only people we’ve ever had to tell sorry, we don’t have anything that fits them, are twelve-year-old kids.
It’s half-wonderful, half-heartbreaking how excited those women get. Women who say with sad smiles, when we ask if they want to get fitted, “Oh, no, you don’t have anything that fits me,” and then are stunned when we’re 300% confident that yes we do, and we have options. Women who can’t stop smiling and looking at themselves in the mirror after we’ve got them laced in.
I had a lady last week whose waist I measured (cinching the tape tight, as per procedure) at 41 inches—honestly not all that big. So she picked out a 41-inch corset to try on. I could tell halfway through getting her laced that it was going to be a bit big for her, so I mentioned it and said she might do better to try a smaller size. She started crying on the spot. She was so overwhelmed; she couldn’t believe someone had just told her that a 41 was too big. She told me about how hard clothes shopping was for her, how her mother would tell her she needed an XXXL instead of an XXL, how she had recently lost weight but still couldn’t wear certain colors because they didn’t fit or she wasn’t confident enough.
She did end up getting her corset, and after I checked her out she asked if she could give me a hug, so we ended up standing there hugging each other for a minute. While we did, I told her, “Do not ever let anyone tell you any bullshit. You are gorgeous.” She said, “I have a new boyfriend and he keeps telling me that.” I told her he was right, and to just keep telling herself she’s gorgeous; it was okay if she didn’t always believe it, but to keep telling herself anyway. (That’s how I talked myself through shit when I had bad anxiety.)
We all know fat-shaming is bad. The stupidity, fatphobia, and misogyny of it has pissed me off since I first became aware of it. But working with clothing, especially as figure-hugging and precise as corsets, has given me a new perspective on it—how much it affects people and just how shitty it is. Like, what does it say that I had a grown, only average-big woman crying into my shoulder because she was so overjoyed not to be the uppermost extremity of what a manufacturer can clothe?
My job rocks and it’s really rewarding, but sometimes it highlights some of the ugliest shit about society. I’m so glad I work at a shop that’s not bullshit about body types and operates with more people in mind than just scrawny white chicks like me. The fat women I work with are a ton of fun to lace up, and they’re so much more than their size—they’re cool, they’re smart, they’re funny, they’re sweet, they’re great to talk to, and yes, they’re hot. I’m so damn done with them getting short-changed and shamed by petty fucks who refuse to make them nice clothes, who refuse to even try to work for them, who refuse to consider them pretty. This whole rant was useless and won’t get read, but I had to vent because it’s been driving me nuts.
So actually, screw you, random dude. Fat girls are the highlight of my job.
Going to add this bit: I’m overweight. I’m not really big, but I’ve always had issues with my weight and the shit I get from people. I was actually getting fitted for a corset and was told I needed to go down a size. So I understand how that girl felt. I know that it’s “just a number” and it shouldn’t bother me, but that made me feel awesome.
I read every word of this and it made me want to cry and buy a corset.
This. This this this this this!
I’m with @lacqueluster – this made me tear up and so happy. It’s so wonderful to think some place/some people like this exist. Even KINDA big girls get made to feel like frikkin whales in our society.
God bless the corsetier I went to this past spring at Scarborough Ren Faire (My Favorite Dress Shoppe). I am by no means a big girl (I wear a 10/12) but clothes shopping is hard for me because of how I’m shaped (36DDD breasts that are a bit saggy from breast feeding, 8 waist with a pudge, 12 hips, and a butt for days). I ALWAYS have a boob gap in my shirts and a waist gap in the small of my back.
I walked in on a whim and asked if they could fit me. 3 tries later and I was IN TEARS because not only did they have one that fit me perfectly in my bust, waist, and hips, but they gave me cleavage I haven’t seen in YEARS and made my belly as flat as when I was a teenager.
As moved as I was, I can only imagine what it must be like for bigger girls to be in the same position I was.
Fuck your fat shaming. You’re a god-damned deity and you deserve to feel as beautiful as you are.
by getting off grindr, scruff, jack’d, etc., Treating each other as human beings and not like sex objects, talk to ONE GUY and ONE GUY ONLY, AND by keeping it in your pants on the first couple of dates.
i’ve met my boyfriend of 2 years on grindr and we fucked right away and stayed together ever since so keep your gay bible to yourself
And this, right here, is a prime example of internalized hatred within the queer community. I am a gay identifying cis-gendered male and have been in numerous relationships: Met a guy through an app and had sex on the first night, met a guy at a cafe and dated a few times before we even began to cuddle, met a closeted male at his frat party and remained a discreet couple for several months.
I’ve been called easy. I’ve been called a prude.
We should all keep somethings in mind:
Firstly, some people use apps like Grindr and Tinder because it’s not easy being gay (or queer). We don’t have the privilege of walking into a busy cafe and thinking, “I can literally ask any one of you out.” No, gay men do not have that kind of access. Rather, we must think to ourselves, “I think that one guy sitting in the corner is gay. I wonder if he is single, nonthreatening, and cool.” Apps make it easier to meet other queers in our limited dating pool.
Secondly, some people like sex. Some like having sex on the first date. Some like having sex before the first date. Some like having sex and not dating. Some like to wait a few dates. SEX POSITIVITY means understanding and respecting the fact that there are varying degrees of priorities within the dating/sex world. Can we stop slutshaming and actually unify our disjointed gay community?
Thirdly, to say that “one guy and one guy only” is the only route is to be ignorant and disrespectful to those who enjoy/participate in open-relationships and polyamory.
PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR FELLOW QUEER COUSINS. WE’RE ALREADY A MARGINALIZED GROUP. LET’S NOT FURTHER ATTACK ONE ANOTHER.
SESTA passed Congress a week ago. It still hasn’t been signed into law, yet in the past week all of the following have already happened:
* Reddit banned most subreddits dedicated to sales. In addition to preventing sex workers from promoting their content, this also banned subreddits dedicated to guns, drugs, and even homebrewing beer.
* Craigslist completely removed their personals section. In addition to preventing sex workers from having a platform to screen potential clients, this means that there is no more meeting people for dating or casual sex via Craigslist. The much-loved “Missed Connections” board was also briefly taken down, before being migrated elsewhere.
* Google Drive banned the sharing of porn, shutting down one of the easiest outlets for performers to send direct-sales and to share edits of content with each other. Many performers lost their entire life’s work as Google has banned performers from saving their own content once it gets flagged.
* Consensual Sex Work advertising sites CityVibe and Nightshift have shut down completely.
* Microsoft has banned all “inappropriate” or “offensive” content from its platforms. They claim they reserve the right to view everyone’s Skype calls to determine whether any violations occur, which is a huge privacy violation. In addition to preventing cam performers from doing private shows and full service sex workers from screening clients, this also prevents long distance couples from being intimate with each other over camera. These rules also apply to XBox and Office, so one can conceivably be banned for writing erotica on Microsoft Word.
SESTA isn’t even law yet and it has already destroyed internet freedom. This bill impacts everyone and will completely change how humans are “allowed” to interact with each other. Yet because the bill is explicitly designed to target sex workers, none of the people who would otherwise be up in arms are saying anything. The hatred of sex workers will destroy us all unless we all stand up and fight.
why do rich people always start crying when people say they’re rich or are critical of their privilege and say “my parents work REALLY hard, my parents work SO hard for everything we have” like bitch do you think… poor people.. don’t work hard lmao? you think your parents are the first people to work hard?
rich people also mistake their dads spending time at work to avoid their families as ‘working hard’
I hate that some people are so dense that they need disclaimers for every single thing, like when women say “men are…” you know good and goddamn well they aren’t referring to every single man. It’s billions of us, how the fuck would they know all of us?
Whenever I hear these statements, I interpret it as “Not all men, but enough men to make this a prominent issue amongst men”
Same shit with “white people are…” Get the fuck out your feelings and actually listen so you can address the concerns of these people instead of defending people that ain’t shit.
wupacing 