Tag: this just keeps getting better

mythicalmodernity:

wtfzeus:

baby-fireworks:

teashoesandhair:

morietris:

teashoesandhair:

teashoesandhair:

alianoram:

teashoesandhair:

alianoram:

teashoesandhair:

teashoesandhair:

i-can-do-tricks:

teashoesandhair:

teashoesandhair:

teashoesandhair:

angelicfangirl:

teashoesandhair:

teashoesandhair:

dasfeministmermaid:

teashoesandhair:

A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast

Zeus is played by Michael Cera

😂😂😂😂 Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.

Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? You’d do that? You’d look at that man’s face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?

I’m dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST

Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.

Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.

Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.

Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.

Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.

To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.

In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal. 

Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.

this is all very good gud

but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW

These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.

Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.

Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jason’s lines is “are you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?”, to which Medea replies “me, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.”

Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblum’s Persephone.

Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.

Important updates:

(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)

Hey @teashoesandhair I’m not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but that’s exactly what I’m saying

OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.

YOU’RE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CAN’T STOP

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME

I’m mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOU’LL EVER SEE

Okay, I gotta ask, who’s the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walken’s Apollo?

I can already hear Apollo’s relevant lines in Walken’s distinct cadence, but I wanna know who he’s cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.

What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that it’s Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and it’s him collapsing into Christopher Walken’s arms. For some reason, there are explosions.

@wtfzeus

Oh my god đŸ€Ł

@roulette-kneebasha

dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS

jenroses:

miss-abibliophobic:

typhoidmeri:

dizzy-redhead:

geekandmisandry:

someoneintheshadow446:

catsfeminismandatla:

geekandmisandry:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

thatgirlonstage:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

wearevengeancenow:

the-thorster:

fozmeadows:

These horrific, sexist, racist paragraphs – screenshotted and shared for posterity by James Smythe, to whom we are all indebted – are the work of one Liam O’Flynn, a writer and English teacher. Evidently, they come from his book Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English, and are intended as examples of good writing.

UM.

Dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. IT IS SUPER GROSS AND FETISHISTIC AND ALSO TERRIBLE WRITING. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. 

Like I just. “Her virility-brown eyes -” WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? How can you have an “Amazonian figure” ON a “wafer-thin body” when “figure” is a word that describe’s a body’s shape, and Amazonian means pretty much the DIRECT FUCKING OPPOSITE of “wafer-thin” in the first place? 

What the shitting fuck does ANY of this mean, apart from “I am only nebulously familiar with the concept of women and completely at a loss if I can’t compare their various bodyparts to jewels, animals and footstuffs”?

STOP 

GO TO WRITING JAIL

GO DIRECTLY TO WRITING JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200

tag yourself i’m the two beryl-green jewels in the snow

if her ears frame her nose do they like, grow directly beside her nose? how does she see from them? 

*facepalm*

“

Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English

“

lovers of english

oh my goddddddd

i can’t get over this fucking post

“I loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes which were a-sparkle with the ‘joie de vivre’. They were like two beryl-green jewels melted onto snow.”

1. what the fuck is joie de vivre

2. melted jewels?

3. beryl green

eden green:

WHICH ONE IS ITTTTTTTTT

@laughlikesomethingbroken “Joie de vivre” is a French phrase that literally translates to “joy of living”, while it IS one of those phrases that gets used in English in this context it is SO EXTRA AND UNNECESSARY OH MY GOD. Don’t use French to make yourself sound sophisticated when you’re NOT

I don’t know where to even START. Curvilinear waist? Sugar candy-sweet? What the FUCK are seraph’s ears? Voguish clothes? What the everloving fuck is “constellation blue” supposed to mean??? Like forget the objectification, this writing is horrifying enough before we even get to the embedded sexism

seraph’s ears are ears that you can’t see bc they’re hidden behind her 6 wings

Oyster white teeth?

holy purple prose batman

Female writers do this too. Have you read a Mills and Boon novel? Have you read high school girls’ yaoi fanfics?

Uh oh, we were focusing too much on how a grown man is selling this shit and not enough shitting on teenage girls. Egalitarians here to put an end to that shit.

Guess what? I’ve read A LOT of Harlequin novels and a LOT of fanfic and I have never ever seen anything this horrible at description.

Also, none of those stories were trying to hold themselves up as high examples of the craft

“Venus-red nails?”

That’s not the most attractive shade imo

Someone less lazy than me needs to turn these descriptions into pictures. Photoshop or Dali-style. 

batfamscreaming:

AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman
maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very
cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts
that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will
all work out in its own weird way

Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets
in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s
ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm
a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without
help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey,
Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call
sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after
shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’

Batman is mortified.

No one lets it go.

The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so
many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a
vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.

“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him
to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on
the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing
introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.

“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter
says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really
loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.

Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t
get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks
him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask
keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get
a hold of himself

He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused.
Batman is furious.  Nightwing manages to
breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad
you’re socializing now, Batman.”

Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “
’we’?”

Keep reading

builtfjordtuff:

helly-watermelonsmellinfellon:

iamnotswarley:

iamnotswarley:

I mean how can you not love Mads Mikkelsen. He

  • met his wife while playing a drag queen
  • spent the whole “Clash of the Titans” clusterfuck trolling Sam Worthington
  • gives zero fucks about society’s expectation of what famous actors should behave like
  • can wear the shit out of a suit, but prefers sportswear
  • knows he is made of cheekbones. accepts it. uses it to his advantage
  • went into dancing to score with dancers, stayed with it, went into acting after; two zero-guarantee careers right here and he made them work
  • is always, always nice to fans. 
  • ships hannigram harder than Bryan Fuller.
  • is so fucking talented. seriously. SO fucking talented. he’s a fucking national treasure in Denmark.
  • threw serious shade at Lars Von Trier, and it was amazing.

also, he

  • has never seen a Star Wars movie and didn’t even realize how big being in one would be.
  • also probably had no idea how big a Marvel movie would be.
  • still went with doing both because he got really well paid got to do air kung-fu and shit.
  • joined one of the most highly anticipated video games ever without understanding anything about the plot and/or video games. 
  • went salsa dancing with his Hannibal co-stars, director, and showrunner, despite saying he doesn’t dance in public anymore.
  • did a Con and got drunk with a bunch of furries.
  • also got onstage with a screamo band (during the same Con?) and shot toilet paper at the pit.
  • wears every flower crown he’s ever been given. it’s like a thing. sometimes wears two at the same time.
  • once wore a pink “rosĂ© over bitches” sweatshirt while completely smashed and it was great.
  • proudly played the ‘Bitch’ in Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money video and didn’t get why it was such a big deal.
  • avoided major injury in a crash where he was sent flying from his motorcycle but managed to flip in midair and land perfectly on his feet.

Mads Mikkelsen is a centuries old immortal that doesn’t quite grasp the modern concept of celebrity, in this essay I will

queenciityconfidential:

dynastylnoire:

karnythia:

dynastylnoire:

battle-torn:

susiethemoderator:

ieatbootyhole:

strawberry-kiwi-darling:

onlyblackgirl:

Explain this.

Dolphins have zero respect lmao

Lmaoooo he did that shit on purpose 😂

Knowing the way dolphins are
 he really did do that on purpose

No fuck boi shit in my ocean

HIP CHECK BIH!!!

Dolphins listen to Ludacris & get hype. It’s fine. 

I now have a mental image of a dolphin as Luda yelling “Move bitch get out the way” directly into the camera

“I’m doin 100 on the highwave so if you do the speed limit get the fuck out of my way!!”

thoriffic:

blakeaceington:

thoriffic:

Thor, Asgardian and naive: Loki, I’ve been meaning to ask. Are you and the Grandmaster involved in a
 romantic relationship?

Loki, also Asgardian, naive to a degree: No, we have a mutually beneficial relationship that means I get whatever I desire from him, like wealth, and he gets whatever he desires from me.

Bruce Banner, Midgardian, knows exactly what a sugar daddy is: oh sounds great

Look at Hulk’s room. I’ll I’m saying is that he didn’t get all that from just winning in the arena and you know it.

you come into my home, look me in the eyes, imply hulk fucked the grandmaster,

As a random thought…

morenavbby:

stuftzombie:

ofstarlord:

askclint:

morenavbby:

So in the comics Hawkeye has 80% hearing loss.

The Black Widow is Russian.

Can you imagine when they’re on a mission and something goes wrong; the police are about to arrest them and they fall back on Plan H.

Black Widow, “So remember, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English”

Successful 92.6% of the time.

#the real reason they never have an extraction plan (x)

Okay this has popped up on my dash again and I resisted the urge the first few times but now I can’t.

In college I was friends with a bunch of exchange students and went to a party off campus with them. After a couple hours the owners of the apartment called it a night but my friends wanted to continue to hang out. One of the other exchange students volunteered his place. Only problem was there were 10 of us and our only ride was a honda civic.

So we had a 6 foot tall Swedish dude with two Japanese girls on his lap in the front passenger seat, three Saudi students and me sitting in the back seat with two Thai students sitting on our laps and a Mexican-American woman driving.

I being paranoid asked, “What do we do if we get pulled over?”

The driver tries to look at me, “Do you speak another language or can you fake Swedish?”

“No, but I know ASL.”

She nodded, “Okay so the plan is if we get in trouble, no one speaks English and you’re Deaf.”

That was our plan guys. 

This is the best comment I’ve ever had on this post.

broadwaytheanimatedseries:

a-dull-glow:

apostatively:

systlin:

voidspacer:

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

Humans will pack bond with anything. 

I had a teenage girl come into my tea shop with her mother the other night. She purposely grabbed a teamaker in the most crunched-up looking box on the shelf (got banged around in shipment) and carried it protectively over to the counter. “If something’s in a damaged box I have to get it because I’m afraid no one else will love it,” she laughed nervously.

Not only will humans pack bond with anything, the empathy level of adolescent girls in particular likely has puppy-saving, world hunger-solving, war-ending powers.

I once saw a really bumpy lime at the grocery store, just a real ugly fruit. Later that night my boyfriend & I were driving home from rehearsal at like 11:30pm & passed the grocery store & I stared crying & he said “is it that lime? Do you want to go back and get it?” And I nodded and pulled the car around and bought the lime.

Thats a good boyfriend and also a mood