Cooking show I desperately want: Professional chefs compete to wow and astound totally amateur food critics who don’t know dick about shit. Get eliminated on totally arbitrary grounds such as “I don’t like sour cream.”
“I present to you the finest escargot.” “Ew I’m not eating snails. Sorry you’re chopped.”
“I’ve made beef wellington, with pastry made from scratch, glazed in a port wine reduction.” “Got any ranch?”
lasf;klaslk;f YEAH (also fuck yeah i’m including both jarvis and friday in on this they’re brother and sister i refuse to give up either)
Supposedly, Justin Hammer released the footage to make sure that the Avengers’ public image was ruined. You know, the usual stuff. See someone in their underwear, cursing, occasionally crying and eating yogurt on the floor at two in the morning.
What Hammer never expected was everyone to be laughing their asses off because Tony Stark doesn’t even mean to be funny, he just stares into his camera like he’s at the office.
Stark cameras are always equipped with a clear image, audio, and the ability to zoom. Since Jarvis and Friday think they’re hilarious, they have full control of the perspectives capture. Jarvis is usually the one who takes care of the serious things, but Friday likes adding zoom and special swivel effects, because she’s the punk kid.
So the public gets compilations of “Tony Stark Wanting to Die But It’s Ten Minutes Long.”
It starts with the first roll of footage. Clint asks if you could eat the beans they put into Beanie Babies.
Tony looks straight into the camera, face entirely dead.
The next instance is when Bucky and Natasha are having a fight, there are knives involved, and one grazes past Tony and creates a hole in his shirt. He just looks over at it, and then looks directly into the camera.
“What the fuck,” he says.
And then, they’re having a meeting about how Steve nearly died, and Steve says it wasn’t that bad, he just leaped from a plane that was in the fucking air, no big deal there, and Tony just blinks, slowly swivels, and looks dead in the camera.
“I want to die.”
“Tony! We’ve talked about you!” Bucky yells. “You can’t say shit like that to the camera, what if whoever is watching thinks you’re serious?!”
“If the footage gets released then millennials are gonna see it, and they relate to me,” Tony says. “The Spidey-kid says it all the time.”
“Shouldn’t you get him help?”
“Nah, he said eating Tide Pods was a joke, and now that’s passed. So I think he’s okay, I talked with his aunt about it.”
The footage then cuts to Clint and Bruce doing some sort of dance game on a motherfucking Wii, who let that into his house, and Clint made Bruce dance to “When I Grow Up” by the Pussycat Dolls, and he just walks away slowly.
“I wish I couldn’t see, I wish I couldn’t see, I wish I couldn’t see.”
The public’s view of Iron Man goes up by fifty percent. It’s awesome.
This is the MCU we deserved
The Steve Rogers ‘goddamn fucking republicans’ compliation
The Natasha Romanoff ‘fuck if I know shrug’ compliation
The Clint Barton ‘omg someone get this guy a guide-adult’ compliation
The Bruce Banner ‘ten times the Hulk almost joined a conversation’ compliation
The Thor ‘obvious delight at being introduced to new Midgardian things’ compilation
The Bucky Barnes ‘damnit, Steve!’ compilation
The Sam Wilson ‘facepalm’ compilation
Peter helps FRIDAY and JARVIS make the compilations.
Do you love greek myths, queer love stories, and badass women? Then I think you’ll love Volume I of my Gods and Monsters series, which contains 22 stories exploring the above.
Of course, these stories are available on my tumblr and AO3, but if you’re looking for physical version that you can hold in your hand, here’s the place to be!
It also contains 17 gorgeous black and white Illustrations by @nesynkoy!
THIS IS A PRE-ORDER! ALL BOOKS WILL BE SHIPPED ON OR BEFORE DECEMBER 1ST, 2018! Pre-orders will be available until 11:59 pm PST on October 31, 2018.
Books are $17, plus shipping. If you would like a signed copy, there’s a $3 add on.
Shipping is UPS Ground and costs $3.75. A tracking number is provided.
If you’re outside of the continental US and interested in buying a book, please send me an email at shanastoryteller@gmail.com so we can discuss shipping costs.
BOOK AND DIGITAL COPY – $17
DIGITAL COPY – $6
SIGNATURE ADD ON – $3
2 DAY SHIPPING UPGRADE – $2.75
Also, in an effort to raise funds for the initial print, I am offering WRITING COMMISSIONS for the FIRST TIME EVER. Ten slots are available.
The cost is $50, and the story will be a minimum of 2,000 words. All money raised will go directly to the cost of production. The rules are:
– I will only accept commissions for derivative works if the property is in the public domain – I own all the work produced as a result of the commission. You are paying to tell me WHAT to write, but I retain all rights to my own work. – Stories will published on my platforms as they’re written, unless discussed otherwise. – Final piece will be at minimum 2,000 words long. – All commissions will be completed by 12/31/18.
If you would like to support me, but can’t afford to, I completely understand. Please consider reblogging this post! Thank you!
Fashion designer and scientist Lauren Bowker designs clothes that transform depending on the environment. This jacket has been injected with wind reactive ink that changes colour upond contact with the air around us.
wupacing 