“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.
A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.
I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,
Tony hates public appearances, they’re all fake pr crap but SESAME STREET?!
Sesame Street didn’t think they’d get him but it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?
Tony showed up beaming, he was so fucking happy. He dropped them enough money to run for a year.
He loves Sesame Street. He loves Bill Nye. He plays a recurring role as himself on Cyber Chase.
He appears for free on any kids’ science show that will have him because he knows that will boost their ratings and get kids to watch.
Tony donates to underfunded schools.
Tony unironically judges science fairs.
TONY LOVES SCIENCE AND WANTS EVERYONE ELSE TO LOVE IT TOO
so when Wakanda opens it’s borders? When he meets Shuri?
He pulls her aside and says ‘I know this tv show that you should be on. They’ll love you there.’
Tony on Sesame Street needs to be canon
So many of the Avengers and associates ended up on the show that Tony just paid the production costs for their own spinoff. The Assisters™ solve all the problems they encounter with knowledge. Super-Grover becomes an honorary member of the Assisters immediately. Clint cries when he first meets his Muppet counterpart. Peter almost exclusively wears every but of BugBoy merch he can find.
IMPORTANT: Is Clint’s counterpart deaf?
Obviously Eagle-eye is deaf. He and his dog Lucky have a regular ASL segment.
Director Snarky only has one eye, which is why his trench coat gets stuck in things so often (depth perception issues, you know) but luckily his friend Agent Molehill is always willing to lend a hand.
Mary Molehill’s segments are mostly about taking big jobs and breaking them down so they’re manageable. She shows different ways to do the same jobs, too because not all methods work for all people.
Agent Coldson has some scars from an accident that happened a while ago. Most if the time he’s the one helping everybody else but sometimes his ptsd makes things hard for him and his friends, both in the Assisters and at S.H.E.L.L. have to make sure they help in the right way.
S.H.E.L.L., of course, is the acronym for Someone Helping Everybody Lots & Lots. Agent Coldson explained it when he was also explaining about acronyms.
I need this to be real.
Ok I love this so much
Okay but we need a few side segments that don’t happen very often but people get excited for anyway.
Poki is the well known local trickster, playing mostly childish pranks on everyone, but will occasionally turn to full on scemes that get nearly the entire cast involved. Usually, though, he’ll hide something that belongs to one of the others and force them to look for it. Said person will then ask a child for help, who will of course suggest places it is clearly not when it’s hidden in plain sight, until they eventually find. Poki will say that the person somehow cheated and vow to return with a better hiding hiding place next time. Pokis only has two weaknesses: giving him a kiss and or hug or… calling his mother, Trigga.
Dr. Strain will more often than not be the one stitching up the heros when they get an ‘ouchy or tear’. Literally stitching them up as he shows the proper way to stitch and sew things together while also reminding children not to use sharp needles without adult supervision.
Track Dancer, a mysterious ally hailing from the land of Wadona where everyone is some form of cat, will show you how to dance fight like a pro. He also explains why violence is not always the answer and how we should use our words and not our fists, but to remeber that words can be just has harmful when not used properly.
Shari, a proud lioness also from Wadona, will show you wicked cool science experiments and what tools to use to execute them properly. Safety is her #1 priority, though, and will not hesitate to call you out if she sees you in sandals or walking around without safety glasses anywhere near her laboratory.
Tucky Tarnes is an expert at doing his chores. He folds his clothes neatly. He makes his bed every morning after breakfast, making sure to tuck in those silly corners and more often than not wrestling with them to stay in place. Washing the dishes after he dirties them. And cleaning up his messes. Only when all his chores are done will he go outside and play with his best friend, Beaver Bogers.
Meggy Marter is the kindly old veteran of the group. She’s quick to give out helpful advice and is always offering milk and cookies to her visitors, but don’t let this fool you. She’ll happily kick butt and take names (in a kid friendly way of course) if it means getting the job done. And don’t you dare try to tell her that this is a mans problem and should be handled as such. You’ll never be allowed to eat her milk and cookies again.
It got better….I heart you!!
Shari: And we NEVER EVER touch a beaker when it is hot. That would bad and make Mommy and Daddy very sad.
******
Dr. Strain: Be sure to keep the stitching as straight as possible to prevent the stuffing from falling out. And try to keep the thread from bunching and tangling together or you may be forced to start all over again.
*Bhor come running by in a tangle of thread as he flails his arms before tripping and flying off screen followed by the sounds of banging trashcans and other various metals* *Momir comes flying by a second later*
Dr. Strain: *deep sigh of exasperation as be looks at the floor and shacks his head*
******
Eagle-Eye: Now pay close attention to this one, kids. It can be a bit tricky, but you all seem smart, so I’m sure you’ll all get the hang of it in no time! Right, Lucky?
Lucky: Bark bark! *pants excitedly and bounces up and down while the interpretor shows the audience how to sign the words*
******
Sony: Hey, has anyone seen my wrench?
*everyone thinks to themselves before shaking their heads and saying, ‘No. Nope. Not me. Nuh-uh.’ and so on*
Sony: That’s weird. I can’t find it anywhere.
Mary: Well, where do you remember having it last?
Sony: Just a few minutes ago, but now it’s gone!
Tucky: Don’t worry! We’ll help you find it!
Everyone: Yeah! Com’on! Let’s go! I think I saw it in a birthday cake!
*Only Bhor and Sony remain*
Bhor: I find it most odd that your weapon for fixing broken machinations has gone missing, Sony.
Sony: Me too, Bhor. It’s almost as if it disappeared by mag-. *a mischievous giggle is heard off screen* What was that?
Bhor: *Sony and Bhor look all around in confusion to find the source* I do not know. It seems to have stopped. *giggle is heard again and continues as the two look around more* Wait! I would know that laughter anywhere! There is only one person it can be!
Sony: GASP! Voldemort!
Bhor: Yes, it i-. *turns to Sony with an exasperated face before facing the camera again* There is only one other person it can be!
Sony: Wait… You don’t mean….
Bhor: I fear so. It is-!
*Thunder claps as a bright puff of smoke billows up from the floor. Out of the flash steps none other than Poki* *Sony and Bhor jump at each other and shake in each others arms as this all happens*
Poki: Behold! It is *cough* none other than *cough cough* I, Po- *cough cough* ki, Prince of Glassgaurd and God of-! *starts coughing uncontrollably* *Bhor and Sony look at each other in question* Pardon me, one moment. *conjures up a glass of water and drinks it quickly* *sighs in relief once done* Sorry for that. I have asked them to tone down the smoke but they never listen. Now where was I? Oh, yes! Prince of Glassgaurd and God of Mischief and Lies!
I was talking to someone about Fury Road today and they said ‘I just hated how it had no plot. They just left and then turned around and went straight back, it was so stupid’ and I think my soul was in danger of leaving my body because really – that’s the whole point. That’s the great message of Mad Max Fury Road – they need to leave and go back because they need to understand that the Green Place doesn’t exist. Valhalla doesn’t exist. There’s no better place waiting, no Eden to escape to, nowhere for Furiosa and the wives to run to. This world, broken and damaged and war-torn as it is, is all they have, and if they want a Green Place then they have to make it themselves. They have to choose peace. They have to choose love for each other. They have to take the seeds from the older, violent generation and start again. They have to destroy the oppressive power structures holding them back, capitalism and the patriarchy that Immortan Joe represents.
The Green Place was around them all along, and it takes this long, cyclical journey to understand that, both for them and for the audience. The circular narrative structure is an absolute work of genius, and the fact that the entire plot can be boiled down to “they leave and come back” is an indication of how well this works as an action movie – that the plot is simple enough so everyone can understand what’s going on while explosions are going off and cars are racing past at 100mph – yet it’s still incredibly rich and wonderfully complex too.
And what a pertinent message to send out – the generations before us killed the world and now it’s up to us to fix what’s broken. There’s no Green Place but the one we make ourselves, which will be born out of fire and blood and rise from the ashes of the old world.
why are cis men so intimidated by women who dont conform to capitalistic beauty standards
According to basic evolutionary psychology, it’s because penises are extremely delicate; cismales must seek out the most dainty and nonthreatening mate possible to entrust their genitals to. Meanwhile, vaginas are really tough and durable, so there’s no such pressure on cisfemales. This is why so many women’s ideal partner is godzilla.
Chris turning red and thinking bad thoughts, lol. Me, too, buddy.
Well that’s one hell of a face journey
My fav part is that you’ve got Evans going on this face journey of delighted gutter thoughts, and then there’s Hemsworth, just nomming away nonchalantly like he hasn’t just made his buddy plunge suddenly and unexpectedly into nsfw mental image land
because seriously i have so much respect for the adventure time team. they’ve made a successful cartoon that isn’t random poop and fart jokes for a solid eleven minutes. sure, adventure time has its immature moments, but then there’s parts like this.
pb’s backed up against the wall in a position that’s way too common in today’s society. you can tell she’s scared and uncomfortable. so what does she do? she beats the shit out of ricardio.
she doesn’t “play nice”, she doesn’t “let him down gently”, she tears off his limbs and stomps on his face. then ricardio tries to play the nice guy card and she has none of it. it’s refreshing to see something aimed at children that doesn’t state that girls need to be polite and sweet and stand by while someone makes them uncomfortable.
basically, i love this show and i love how it teaches girls something that’ll actually come in handy some day. god fucking bless.
And this is back on the dash again. Always reblog.
I especially love the fact that she’s not treated as the villain for having to get violent to defend herself. We need more kid’s cartoons that show that it’s ok to get violent to defend your life.
I’m still laughing my ass off at the fact that his name is Ricardio
i’m still laughing my
ass off at the fact that his
name is ricardio
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
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