Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.
This was the best career move Colin Firth ever made
ok so i know that when we were all young fanchildren we all watched this movie and sighed dreamily. but i am here to tell u that this movie is even better than u remember
1. the main conflict in the movie is the arranged marriage. i’m gonna stop right here, because princesses in arranged marriages are a classic fanfiction trope that we are all trash for. don’t lie to yourself. but it gets BETTER. not only is there an arranged marriage… the guy she’s arranged to marry is actually a really chill dude. u like this dude. u know they would be good friends and partners. he would make a good king. but sHE DOESNT LOVE HIM!!! she doesn’t love him. and it would be so easy for the narrative to say ~oh look at this selfish girl she has a handsome titled good man ready to marry her she’s so SELFISH for wanting passion and true love, so naive~ (see fuckboys: i’m so nice and handsome why doesn’t she love me she’s horrible) instead the narrative presents her not marrying him as a perfectly valid choice and one the viewer sides with her on. the narrative supports her choice and makes it clear it was the right decision. ADDITIONALLY, the solution presented to fix the arranged marriage problem is to DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY. like???? don’t fuck with me this movie is perfect
2. literally the other main conflict is the love interest. he’s essentially a conman trying to convince mia to fall passionately in love with him so he can steal the throne. but along the way… he falls in love with her. THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT OF THREE THOUSAND FANFICTIONS PEOPLE
3. speaking of fanfiction…this movie is one. like, i’m not even joking. the first princess diaries movie essentially compiled the first 3 books into a movie, but the sequel wasn’t based on the books at all. disney just pulled something out of their asses and was like “this will make the fangirls happy”
4. at the beginning of the movie mia graduates from princeton’s woodrow wilson school of international affairs… literally one of the best international studies programs on the planet.. then she’s flown to a castle…where she’s a princess..and has hot men falling all over her…and wears ballgowns…like…mia is such a mary sue but somehow the movie manages to avoid making her one AT ALL
5. also holy shit??! mia doesn’t just stand around looking pretty as a princess.. she’s clearly really smart and genuinely cares about the people of genovia and does her best to serve them well even to it’s hard work… like damn mia is fucking committed to being a good queen she’s not just a princess because castles make good backdrops for romances
6. the queen/joe YAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS u fucking know u shipped that shit
7. THE ENTIRE MOVIE IS ABOUT FUCKING THE PATRIARCHY. MIA IS PORTRAYED AS KIND AND SENSITIVE BUT THAT ADDS TO HER APPEAL AS A RULER NOT DETRACTS FROM IT. AT THE END OF THE MOVIE SHE’S LIKE “fuck these rules written by old white men, i’m gonna make my own less sexist rules” AND THEN SHE FUCKING DOES?!? SHE FUCKING CALLS OUT THE SEXISM OF THE LAWS AND THEN CHANGES THEM. HELLO WOMEN IN PARLIAMENT! GOODBYE BOYS CLUBS! A WOMAN IS FULLY CAPABLE OF RULING ON HER OWN WITHOUT A MAN AND SHE FUCKING DRILLS THAT INTO THEIR GODDAMN HEADS
8. chris pine. what a hot piece of ass amiright
9. the number of times something fucking bizarre happens to mia and she theoretically looks into the camera like she’s on the office is comedic gold honestly. the maids?? flirting with her arranged husband?? climbing out a window?? the fAKE LEG!? mia is just trying to live her life but the universe keeps fucking it up. i feel u mia.
in sum i have n o idea how the fuck this movie got made but goddamn is it not god’s gift to man
You forgot:
10. It’s women working together that foil the plot. Uncle Gimli’s maid is the one who tells Chris Pine that his uncle sabotaged the romantic night out in order to discredit Mia, aka the love of his life. The last we see of her is her eating pear-flavored popcorn with her feet up.
11. Also the arranged fiance, when she dumps him AT THE ALTAR, he THANKS HER for saving him from just doing his duty and not actually living his own life.
12. Lily. Everything about Lily. “Should I shoo him or should I shoo him? Tell me who to shoo and I’ll shoo.” “My hello is insignificant. Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, come with me.”
Julie Andrews mattress-surfing.
Also this was the first time Julie Andrews sang post-surgery, when she didn’t think she’d ever since again, and the director was all “Okay, we have to get this in one take, because the actors will be emotional” but the crew TOTALLY LOST IT and still managed to get it in one take, even though apparently as soon as she started, it was just TEARS EVERYWHERE.
Also, I was reminded by Twitter that the screenplay was written by…
My parents live in this town and the city legally can’t tear the tree down to build or anything because the tree has its own legal rights and they can’t do anything about it.
how does. how does this happen. how DID this happen
I love this story because this guy in the early 1800’s had so many great childhood memories of this tree and wanted to make sure it was protected no matter what. So he deeded the ownership of the tree to itself and everyone just went with it.
Then in 1942 this intense windstorm came and knocked the tree over. And people were bummed. But someone had saved an acorn from the original tree, so they planted that and now Son of the Tree That Owns Itself is over 50 feet tall.
And since this new tree is technically the offspring of the original tree it’s considered to have legally inherited the plot of land it’s inhabiting.
Two generations of trees owning land is amazing and if you don’t think this is the coolest thing get right out of my face.
In the delightful new rom-com Crazy Rich Asians — which consists of a principal cast entirely of Asian descent, a major feat in Hollywood — a college professor (Constance Wu) travels to her boyfriend’s old stomping grounds in Singapore to attend the most opulent wedding of her life. (And to survive the wrath of the women vying for her boyfriend’s attention. And her boyfriend’s intense mother.)
The film, an adaptation of the 2013 novel written by Kevin Kwan, is a major win for the Asian acting community, but in a new Hollywood Reporter feature, some behind-the-scenes drama nearly prevented it from being a faithful big-screen experience.
As Kevin recalled to the publication, he rejected numerous “lucrative” offers and instead optioned his film for a mere $1, forgoing a large paycheck to ensure he maintained involvement with creative and development decisions. This was, Kevin said, after one disastrous pitch strongly recommended he change the Asian heroine to a white woman, since nobody would be interested in seeing the film otherwise. (“It’s a pity you don’t have a white character,” he was told by the producer.)
Plus we could get Shuri supplying her with ridiculous gadgets, and her constantly giving reports to Okoye and the rest of the Dora Milaje, while T’Challa tries to calm his nerves and not freeze every time they do whatever Shuri’s version of Skype is.
I would LOVE this!
Nakia: so Shuri, what have you made for my next mission?
Shuri: I’m glad you asked. Check this out *holds up a pen* looks like an ordinary pen right?
Nakia: yes it does.
Shuri: well if you twist it everything with an internet connection and speakers within a 40 meter radius will loudly play Despacito
Sometimes I think about how the way I met my wife was like a fanfiction
We both had a scholarship to a college soccer team and were the only two competing for center forward, we hit it off instantly and became close friends right away. When our team went to nationals, we had to share a bed and ended up snuggling (and I was, up until that point, absolutely not a physically affectionate person). After we returned home I kept sneaking into her room because I couldn’t sleep without her. Our friends started accusing us of being together and talking crap so, to spite them, we thought it would be a good idea to fake date and sometimes held hands and stuff. We ended up kissing right before she left the country for almost a month and we basically pretended it never happened, and when she came back it happened again and again and then escalated. Cue these lines, verbatin:
Me: *grabs the hand heading between my legs* “Wait, wait.” *sighs, drops forehead to hers* “We’re idiots.”
Her, breathlessly, eyes on my lips: “I’ve always been an idiot.” *swoops in for another kiss*
We ended up taking and decide to be friends with benefits, but JUST kissing benefits, no sex, and then 5 minutes later we had sex. We sleep together for a couple weeks (all the time, any and everywhere) before deciding to make it official, then after another couple weeks say I love you (initially via her closing her eyes and moving her palm from her heart to mine back and forth like a useless lesbian), then about a month later talk about how we wanna get married.
Fast forward a year and we go to university together and we’re roommates. Fast forward four years and we’re married and eloping to Harry Potter World and the beach. Fast forward almost 7 years from when we met and we’re living in the same hometown we first met in and she’s the assistant coach for the team we used to play for. Sex life better than ever (“that much great sex all the time after years together in fics is unrealistic” my ass), I can’t cook for shit but I try, we ride bikes around town and we’re basically the only gays in the village and there’s a little rainbow statue on the outside of our windowsill.
7 years ago I was so in love with her I could barely breathe, and I love her a thousand times more now than I did then.
wupacing 