the screenshots here are from near the end of the interview, which i think makes it even worse, because the interviewer listened to everything he’d said and still didn’t treat it very seriously. there are other parts where she seems very smart and intuitive, but then other times he’d say something like “i hate myself to death and feel like i’m an empty shell” and she’d just laugh and move on while i’m just like !!!
i was really impressed by how open he is about it though, even the “ugly” symptoms that aren’t really talked about normally — like how he said he used to lock himself in his apartment alone and drink and “bang on the walls” because he didn’t know how else to cope with all the pain he was in, and he even mentions hurting himself and talks about scars and refers to himself as a “masochist” and says a coworker once referred to him as “someone constantly trying to hurt himself.” the fact that he was able to talk about all this so openly, despite the reaction he got, was so impressive and amazing to me
it’s really heartbreaking though because he’s obviously never had the support he needs — at one point he mentions that the first person he ever opened up to about all the pain he was in (back in his mid-20s, when he says it was much worse) was a director who was considering hiring him, and he later found out that that director had told people she thought “someone like that” would be “too difficult” to work with, and it caused this rumor/pre-conceived notion about him to spread that affected the way his coworkers treated him. now that he’s famous and has had other work he’s literally known for how charming and nice he is to everyone, but at that point his coworkers all thought he was moody, pretentious, and rude and always avoided him on set because of this, all because he opened up about his severe depression to the wrong person
speakng of raising awareness: the movie he’s being interviewed for here is “silenced”, a film he initiated production of. it’s based on real events that happened at a school for deaf children, where kids were sexually abused for years by their teachers. of the six rapists, two received prison sentences (and were out within a year), while the others were freed immediately because the statute of limitations had expired – and all were reinstated at the school
gong yoo read about this a few years later and said to himself “what can i as an actor do to help,” and he made a movie about it. millions of people saw it and there was mass public outrage, and because of this movie the case was reopened, the school was shut down, the rapists got much harsher punishments, and a law named after the movie was passed that abolished the statute of limitations for all sex crimes against minors and disabled people
when they were making the movie, gong yoo was convinced by the director he’d found to star as a teacher who tries to help the victims, but at first he was hesitant (because before this he’d only been in romcoms and he thought he lacked the acting ability to pull off the emotional depth required for this subject) but he eventually agreed because he wanted to use his fame to bring attention to the events
like… i have nothing but admiration for this guy. gong yoo is incredible and i want the world to know
Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”
my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”
basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”
and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.
I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.
This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?
Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.
So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.
I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.
Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.
Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.
I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.
Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)
I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.
They didn’t like eye contact either.
Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.
Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.
“But they never talked!”
No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.
So you know what happened?
My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.
“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.
1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.
2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.
Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.
I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.
To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.
And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.
Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people
Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.
I used to work with kids and so many parents have just. Dismissed their kids’ ability to have an experience because their kid is autistic? Like I was telling a kid the guidelines for an exhibit and he wasn’t looking at me but he was nodding along and his mom goes “he doesn’t get it, he’s autistic”. Look. So is my brother. This kid is nodding along, clearly he gets me at LEAST as well as the sugared up allistic kids rampaging around, I’m not expecting perfection, just that he not hospitalized himself. But I see him DEFLATE, so I just ignored her and kept talking to him and ended with “thumbs up if you got it” and I got the thumbs up and a small smile. And she had the BALLS to come up to me teary eyed and say how rare his smiles are. No shit, you treat your son like shit, of course he won’t smile at you. No shit he mostly followed all the rules for me.
Or like the time I offered a little girl a sticker, and plenty of parents said no, that’s fine, I get it, but this woman stopped to tell me “no, she’s autistic”. What? What does that have to do with it? Why do you have to tell me her business? I’m a stranger, why do I need to know her business?
They’re still small humans with feelings, it takes so little to just be respectful of them and not a piece of shit to a kid.
Lee Pace being forcibly outed is one of the reasons I don’t get on board with “only real life gay people can play gays in the movies” bandwagon.
I get the idea behind it, wanting representation and I too am tired of straight men being called “brave” for taking on the role of a gay man.
But this attitude led to Lee being pushed out into an open and I’m firmly against people ever having to come out if they don’t feel comfortable and safe.
Push for better representation, push back against straight men acting like them just kissing a man should net then an Oscar, but don’t push people into positions where we act like we are entitled to know their sexual identity.
Attention non-artists who commission artists: don’t fuckin do this???
Actually had someone do this to me too. Was doing a art stream, it took me over 2 hours to do his inked commission, he got a refund cause ‘it took too long’ that he figured I wasn’t going to do it after I gave him the file.
Don’t do this. Do not.
I’ve had this happen to me with a $350 comic I had already finished it, it was full color, 6 panels and had a full bg in every panel. I was lucky in that I didn’t spend him money yet, but it left me without funds. I’ve also had the above happen to me as well.
Don’t do this shit to artists. We’re people too. Drawing for you is more than a hobby. It’s a job.
Use Paypal Invoices.
I cannot stress this enough. That shit helps A LOT when it comes down to Paypal refunds/disputes.
There’s a description box that let’s you put in what the product is/how long it’ll take/yadda yadda, and then there’s another little memo box that only you and paypal can see where you can say it’s a digital commission and doesn’t require shipping (So Donald Mcfuck can’t say that they never got their commission).
And there’s also a box for your Terms & Conditions where you can say, if you have any conflicts/want a refund – email me, or you can actually tell the user that this is a digital commission and they won’t be getting a hard copy of it.
ARTISTS. PLEASE USE PAYPAL INVOICES. it will SAVE you. And to: the people who do this to artists – Fuck you. It’s okay if you change your mind and want a refund. But freaking TALK to us and let us know what’s going on. Let us WORK with you.
ALSO A HUGE TIP: Invoices paid will automatically set up a shipping notice which, if not fulfilled, can land you in SERIOUS hot water with PayPal. Since a lot of artists don’t print and ship the commissions, this is a huge problem.
However! Totally manageable. Just go to your PayPal, scroll down to find Seller Preferences
>> Shipping Preferences
>> Display Ship Button. Make sure all the boxes are unchecked. Then you’re all set!
As a big supporter of artists, don’t you ever fucking dare fuck over an artist like that. Like don’t. And if they take their time to do a good job, don’t shit all over them for it! Don’t be a fucking ass hole. Just don’t. These people put a LOT of work and time and effort into their artwork. Just don’t be that guy. Often times these artists aren’t even getting what they deserve in compensation.
I am very grateful my customers have been good to me, but I’m spreading the word.
Very important!
As a new artist, I’m very grateful for this post. Never knew this. Thank you.
Adding that using PP Invoices and removing the shipping option is useful for buyers as well – if it isn’t turned off, PayPal won’t let buyers pay for a commission without submitting their shipping information (ie. personal address), and sometimes you don’t want an artist you’ve commissioned for a digital piece to know where you live!
The war on drugs is rooted in racist policies . The failure of the war and drugs is obvious. We need to find a better solution, because people of color should never be the victims of racist policies. White Americans are more likely than black Americans to have used most kinds of illegal drugs, including cocaine and LSD. Yet blacks are far more likely to go to prison for marijuana, which is not a hard drug. Moreover , even when white people get caught , they get less time in prison.
…is that Rachael Leigh Cook, the same actress who did the original anti-drug ad when she was a teenager?
Reblogging as this is so important everyone! My mum had breast cancer and that shit is not nice so please check yourself ladies and gents! 💕💕💕
The other thing is that a lot of peeps don’t know that cis dudes can get breast cancer so something like this is super helpful to them too, since they’ll watch it cuz it’s funny and then be like “oh now I know this isn’t just for women”
I had already finished it, it was full color, 6 panels and had a full bg in every panel. I was lucky in that I didn’t spend him money yet, but it left me without funds. I’ve also had the above happen to me as well.
wupacing 