“No Prometheus-looking motherfucker is coming into my town and offering me a fucking stick! You’re lucky these old fuckers are holding me back, I swear to God!”
I asked my boyfriend in Canada once, how he deals with polar bears because I was curious about what to do and he was like, just be calm, let them know you’re there, and give them space and they’ll usually just go away.
cant believe a bunch of english kids go through a fuckin cupboard and find a magical kingdom full of wonder and they go “yeah we’re the royal family now”
typical english behaviour
I think what’s more creepily imperialistic is the reaction of everyone in Narnia to the Pevensies.
Like, the Pevensies end up the royal family in large part because everyone’s like ‘it has been prophesied that you will come and rule us and everything will be great!’ and, well, in-universe I can’t really fault them on that; if I were a young teen or pre-teen in a completely foreign country, I too would probably just go along with whatever seem to make people friendly to me.
But the reaction of the Narnians, in almost ubiquitously welcoming these foreigners as obviously destined to rule them even though they know nothing of the country and the culture… now that is some creepily imperialist writing.
This is the only good reblog of this post in it’s entire 3 year hellscape existence
if four foreign kids popped out of a magic box and deposed trump by the express wishes of god’s fursona, i’d crown ‘em. this winter already fuckin feels like it’s lasted 100 years.
Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something
some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.
Some of my favorites include:
Shaft of Delight (1700s)
Womb Sweeper (1980s)
Master John Goodfellow (1890s)
Nimble-Wimble (1650s)
Corporal Love (1930s)
Staff of Life (1880s)
Spindle (1530s)
As good as ever twanged (1670s)
Gaying Instrument (1810s)
Beef Torpedo (1980s)
and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble
And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:
Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)
Poontang (1950s)
Spunk Box (1720s)
Ringerangroo (1930s)
Ineffable (1890s)
Itching Jenny (1890s)
Carnal Mantrap (1890s – a busy decade apparently)
Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)
Rough Malkin (1530s)
Socket (1460s)
and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.
but tell me you wouldnt wear at least one of these
Is this the equivalent of americans wearing poorly-translated Chinese/Japanese t-shirts around the early 2000’s? And can i please have every single shirt up there?
WHO THE FUCK IS JESUS
My undergrad alma mater had an exchange program where we had an entire class of Japanese university students spend a year at our school studying in English immersion each year. Which was awesome, they were really cool and they loved to socialize with the American kids.
One of my best friends had one of the exchange students as her roommate; she was about four foot eleven and maybe ninety pounds, and she had a passion for huge platform boots and shirts with English slogans on them. She explained exactly that – it was cool to wear shirts with English lettering on them, even if you didn’t exactly know what it meant (this was in the late 90s/early 00s).
Her absolute favorite shirt was black with BITCH picked out in enormous rhinestones. She’d worn it three times before I asked her if she knew what it meant, and she said she’d been told it meant “Like a baby dog, the cutest dog? A really cute girl puppy.”
So I explained to her that it wasn’t quite an accurate translation, and as I elaborated on what it meant, from “female dog” on up to “a name you call a woman you don’t like” and all the reasons you might call someone that, her eyes got wider and wider until finally she yelled “THAT’S BETTER, THAT’S THE BEST! BITCH IS EVEN BETTER THAN CUTE!”
my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you move out and have a house of your own 🙂
me, in this economy: a what
my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you get married and have a husband 🙂
me, a known gay: a what
my parents: don’t worry sweetie you’ll understand when you start a family and have your first baby 🙂
me, an asexual: A WHAT
my parents: our little girl is growing into a woman! me, a nonbinary: a what
my parents: our boy is growing into a strong man me, a nonbinary: a what
my parents: can you tell us the SI unit of power, equivalent to one joule per second, corresponding to the power in an electric circuit in which the potential difference is one volt and the current one ampere?
me: a watt
the large man who just obliterated my front door: you’re a wizard harry
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. And then the murders began.
Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. And then the murders began.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And then the murders began.
The phantom of the opera did exist. And then the murders begun.
Maman died today. And then the murders began.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders began.
In 1815 Monsieur Charles-Francois-Bienvenu Myriel was Bishop of Digne. And then the murders began.
In an old house in Paris, that was covered in vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines. And then the murders began.
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.
“Where’s Papa going with that axe?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.
Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. And then the murders began.
“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. And then the murders began.
In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. And then the murders began.
wupacing 