WATCH: Female presenter destroys male co-host in cotton candy eating contest

buzzfeed:

floatinglonewanderer:

lionesshathor:

se0ctopus:

HORMMNOMNOM

Im fucking crying

image

“When I finished, I had no idea I was so quick either,” she said.

But she added that she knew she was going to win because while her opponent was trash-talking her, she was already formulating a plan.

WATCH: Female presenter destroys male co-host in cotton candy eating contest

ceeblathers:

ceeblathers:

ceeblathers:

ceeblathers:

my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”

bro

bro it means monkey bars 

now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”

 I M  L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD  HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS” 

this was a post meant for like 6 people who actually know my brother and now this is the only image he has on this site he’s the “monkey protocol” guy for almost 100,000 people I give up

langernameohnebedeutung:

liesmyth:

sathinfection:

liesmyth:

sathinfection:

contemporary roman writers slutshamed julius caesar that’s your ides of march fact for today

what an absolute unit ol’ iulius was

how could you write this and not say WHY he was getting slutshamed

julius ‘husband to all wives and wife to all husbands’ caesar was a thirsty, thirsty bottom

suetonius: i heard that caesar was a big slut and also he liked buttsex and oral

cicero, to the gathered senate: CAESAR TAKES IT UP THE ASS

for historical context, cicero publicly called out jc for bottoming for king nicomedes of bithynia. they first met when caesar was 20, the king was at least twice his age. i am not saying sugar daddy but sugar daddy. the sex was so good that when nicomedes died he left his entire kingdom to rome, i am not making this up this is  t r u e

listen it’s one thing to slut shame Caesar, but Cicero went around speculating in public about Caesar and the king doing it on a “golden couch arrayed in purple” where “the virginity of the one sprung from Venus was lost in Bithynia” so I don’t think good old Iulius is the only one who’s got to ask himself some serious questions here.

When insults had class

simonalkenmayer:

dutchfruitjar:

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease”. “That depends, Sir,“ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner
(about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar
Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend…. if you have one.”
(George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill)
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second  …. if there is
one.“  (Winston Churchill, in response.)

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” –
Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” –
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” –
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” –
Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx

All excellent insults.

handsoffthegoodstuff:

gotham-mother-of-monsters:

castiel-knight-of-hell:

pyotr-kirillovich-bezukhov:

squiddleprincess:

From now on I will only accept love triangles if they end in:

  1. Polyamory
  2. The main character rejecting both love interests and staying single
  3. The two love interests giving up on the main character because how hard is it to make a damn choice?

4. The two love interests realizing they love each other more than the main character and the main character getting together with someone that wasn’t even part of the triangle proper.

5. All three characters realizing they’re better as friends and going go kart racing

6. Main character is in a loveless political royal marriage and her philandering yet handsome husband doesn’t want her until halfway through the book, in which time she’s fallen in love with a brave commoner boy. The conflict is resolved when they both die and she goes on to rule her new kingdom with grace and compassion.

7. Main character Frankensteins the shit out of the two love interests because why not combine the best parts that you love in each?

ilarual:

sageayanna:

iwillbeyourhands:

as a long-time figure skating fan, i’ve been really looking forward to yuri on ice, and i wanted to talk a little bit about the skating in episode 1. i worry that maybe people who aren’t as into skating don’t understand how RIDICULOUS that program viktor did was.

this is not in any way a complaint. the program was completely unrealistic, but not because anyone involved with the show neglected to do their research. it was clear they actually put a ton of research & work in, and then intentionally designed something that was the skating equivalent of your power level being over 9000. viktor (and yuri) went out there and threw down the skating version of a level 100 mewtwo. it was DELIGHTFUL.

so first of all:

image

four quads is… not technically IMPOSSIBLE, but right at the very edge of what is currently possible in men’s figure skating. a quad (jump with four revolutions) is REALLY DIFFICULT. as recently as 2010, the olympic champion in men’s skating didn’t even have ONE quad in his program; i remember as recently as five years ago scott hamilton saying TWO quads was “superhuman.” the highest score EVER received in men’s skating was yuzuru hanyu at the grand prix final in 2015, where he performed three quads. the second highest score ever received was javier fernandez at worlds last year, where he also performed three quads. skating fans can correct me if i’m wrong but the only skater i can think of who has EVER performed four quads in one program is boyang jin, who is tiny and has made jump rotation his whole life. to have a seasoned 27-year-old skater performing four quads is completely delightful nonsense.

image

his first jump is a quad lutz. for some context, the rough ranking of skating jumps from easiest to most difficult is something like: toe loop, salchow, loop, flip, lutz, axel. you might notice a lutz is the SECOND MOST DIFFICULT JUMP POSSIBLE, and actually more difficult than the axel for some skaters. accordingly, MOST quads are toe loops or salchows. since a quad axel has literally never been performed, a quad lutz is the SINGLE MOST DIFFICULT jump ever landed in skating competition, EVER. although people have been trying to do quad lutz since the early 2000s, you can probably count the number of skaters who have landed it successfully on one hand. this jump is nearly ALWAYS underrotated or even downgraded to a triple. in my lifetime as a skating fan i can only think of a couple times i’ve seen this jump landed as cleanly as viktor does it here.

if that wasn’t enough, the lutz usually has a very specific set-up where the skater glides backward on one foot for a couple seconds before turning their skate blade onto the outside edge. that’s how the technique for the lutz jump is TAUGHT. it’s extremely impressive for someone to be able to throw a lutz out there without this setup. viktor does it and gets four full rotations.

then he follows it up with:

image
image

the first quad flip IN HISTORY was landed for the first time LAST APRIL. APRIL 2016. i also remember people trying this one back in 2010-2011, but it wasn’t successfully landed until THIS YEAR. and it’s viktor’s SIGNATURE MOVE!!! and he does it immediately after landing the other most difficult jump in skating!!!!!! he just pulled out two jumps most skaters can only dream of ever landing maybe once in their entire careers, BACK TO BACK.

again, the HIGHEST SCORE EVER AWARDED IN MEN’S FIGURE SKATING, EVER, was given to a program with one quad salchow and two quad toe loops. jumps SIGNIFICANTLY easier (but still extremely difficult) than viktor’s two opening jumps. and he’s just fucking getting started.

he does a flawless triple axel and then some footwork and spins. then he throws out something maybe a touch less superhuman:

image

for any real life skater, this would already be one of the greatest performances of their career. but viktor isn’t done yet.

he does a long (gorgeous) footwork sequence, triple lutz, triple flip, and:

image
image

i already mentioned how ridiculous four quads is, but this is even better. skaters will typically put their most difficult jumps near the beginning of the program, because they’re easier to land before your legs get tired. recognizing this, the scoring system gives you an extra 10% bonus on the jump’s value if it’s in the second half of the program. viktor pulls out a quad-triple combo, still one of the most difficult jumps in figure skating, as his LAST JUMP. HIS LAST JUMP. a free skate program lasts four and a half minutes. after four and a half minutes of grueling, exhausting activity, viktor soars into a quad-triple so beautiful it could be used to teach the combination to other skaters.

AND YURI KEEPS UP WITH ALL OF THIS. YURI, WHO CAME IN LAST AT THE GPF. YURI CAN DO THIS TOO. this program is significantly more difficult than anything that has ever been competed irl, and this show has TWO SKATERS DOING IT SIMULTANEOUSLY. WHAT A GREAT SHOW???

for any skating nerds out there, here is my breakdown of the jumps in viktor’s program:

4Lz – 13.60
4F – 12.30
3A – 8.50
4S – 10.50
3A+3Lo+2Lo – 15.40
3Lz x – 6.60
3F x – 5.83
4T+3T x – 16.06

to explain what this means. the world record score in men’s figure skating was given to yuzuru hanyu in 2015. for that program, the base value for the jumps alone (so not even taking execution into consideration, just the sheer value yuzuru got for completing the jumps he did) was 79.87 points

the total base value of the jumps viktor (and yuri) performed in this program was 88.79.

this program would have handily crushed the world record. and yuri throws it out there in his home rink when he’s out of shape during the off-season.

Y’all: “YOI is so realistic unlike T H O S E other sports animes!”

OP:

OP, a year and a half ago: “holy shit the jump composition in Stammi Vicino is insane and barely possible and probably not something we’re going to see regularly in figure skating for years”

Olympic figure skaters in 2018: “lol”

The Entire Uchiha Clan is Just a Feral Cat Colony

littlebeebeebird:

talked about this idea with @byelawliet and i just really wanted to share

image
  • a loose collection of people who only vaguely respect one another, usually based on how annoying fighting the other person would be
  • whenever there’s sunlight they collectively go outside to lie in it, daring anyone else to say something about it
  • fluffy and angry looking unless they’re doing something dumb, in which case they look like this was their plan all along obviously they wanted to get stuck underneath this fence
  • elegant, until you catch them eating something Questionable at midnight–they insist you’re imagining things. was that a bird? there’s feathers on their collar. oh god
  • utterly incomprehensible to anyone who doesn’t spend all their time around them
  • climbs the tallest thing in the room to assert dominance in a conversation
  • climbs onto other people when they they’re being ignored
  • Nature’s Amazing Perffect Killing Machine: but still manages to back flip off of something and scare themselves with the fall
  • communal child rearing: all uchiha children are dressed the same with similar hair, no one can tell their kids apart and no one cares to try
  • communal grooming: have you… seen their hair? they need it
  • chasing each other around the village at breakneck speed because YOU TOUCHED ME IT’S TIME TO FIGHT
  • screaming Rage Fights at 4am when all the other clans are trying to sleep. it’s usually madara screaming.
  • eyes
image

thank you for coming to my TED talk

supersayainmilk:

smurflewis:

smurflewis:

smurflewis:

smurflewis:

smurflewis:

Today I walk into work and there are a ton of people in my building and it’s kind of a mess and everyone is talking and I sort of just blurt out:

“Man, it’s a zoo in here!”

Everyone stopped and looked at me as though I had 2 heads.

Then I realized.

I work at a zoo.

Update: my boss was talking about how he was really excited for an entire week of vacation and was wondering what he should do, so I looked him dead in the eye and told him, with a straight face,

“You should visit the local Zoo, I heard it’s really nice.”

Under pain of death I am no longer allowed to make any zoo related jokes.

Part three: I was cleaning the squirrel monkeys and one of them kept trying to climb up me so I sort of just yelled

“WILL YOU STOP MONKEYING AROUND??”

I forgot my boss was in the next room and he walked and just glared at me

Another update:

I was in the reptile house and one of the new interns looked like they needed some help grabbing a snake so I just blurted out:

“Let me slither on over there and help”

They actually appreciated the pun XD

So I’m in the kangaroo yard and my boss says “they need more water, hop to it.” And I kind of look at him not sure if he said that on purpose but he looks back with such horror and just whispers “I hope you’re happy” and walks away.

I hope you’re happy

sapphirelions:

boogiewoogiebuglegal:

sweethoneysempai:

gravyboot:

redxluna:

crewdlydrawn:

rhianruari:

prismatic-bell:

buckie-and-steeb:

oftaggrivated:

zombikki:

wolvesofinnistrad:

jchelseaw:

wolvesofinnistrad:

jchelseaw:

wolvesofinnistrad:

bluandorange:

all Bucky wanted to do was get some more tea and now this. Thanks a lot, Sam. You had to fuckin’ tell him, you ass.

Aggressively Progressive Steve Rogers is so what I’m  here for.

STeve would unleash and be all “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WHOOPING COUGH SUCKS?! DO YOU?! DO YOU REALLY?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ STUPID?! BUCKY, TELL THEM HOW I BROKE TWO RIBS! TELL THEM!”

Omg, new headcanon, Beleaguered Bucky Barnes being grabbed by the shoulders and practically lifted into camera view by Steve shouting about how Bucky needs to confirm some terrible illness because no one else is alive form that time to corroborate any of Steve’s claims.  Bucky shyly telling the reporters that yes, Steve did indeed have that thing adn yeah it is dangerous and Steve jumping back into frame like “I told you!  I TOLD YOU IT SUCKED SHUT UP JENNY MCCARTHY!”

“AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?! POLIO!”

“Steve you never had fucking polio-”

“YEA BUT IT STILL SUCKED! KNOW WHAT STOPPED IT?! VACCINES!”

“Oh my God, Steve.”

“I DIDN’T EVNENKNOW WHAT THAT SHOT WOULD DO TO ME BUT I TOOK IT!”

“Steve, that’s… That’s not really a good argument.”

“I DON’T CARE FOX NEWS NEEDS TO STOP USING MY IMAGE!”

“Steve, doll, calm down.”

“I VOTED FOR OBAMA!”

I love everything about this post

And all the while Sam is just laughing his fucking ass off and Bucky is wondering if he could just go take another nap for a few years.

Okay but imagine the savvy pediatrician who shyly sends Steve a message at Avengers Tower. She loves his message. Loves it. Wants to know if she can give her vaccinated kids a sticker of the shield because she wants other parents to subtly get the message, and of course what kid doesn’t love Cap? She’s no graphic artist, but she got a picture of the shield off the Internet …

… two weeks later, a box arrives at her office. It’s an order of shield stickers, very clearly actually produced by a graphic artist. Some of them sparkle, some are metallic, and some of them say “Protecting my friends by protecting me!” for the older kids who can appreciate the idiocy of the anti-vax movement.

There’s also a hand-written note with Pepper’s personal address at Avengers Tower listed on it: Contact us when you need more. No charge. Keep fighting the good fight.

They end up going on sale after the pediatrician’s colleagues see them and want to pass them out. Steve insists that any profit they might make should go to the March of Dimes. Tony and Pepper barely talk about it before they go “do you know how little it costs to produce stickers, Steve?” and decide to donate the entire sales cost. They’re not expensive to sell, either, but it adds up.

Vaccination rate goes up. Being an anti-vaxxer stops being trendy and starts being seen as living in the dark ages.

Steve Rogers, everyone.

It got better.

Much better.

This started out great and *kept getting better*.

The post I wanna reply to is gone, but it’s possible that Steve had polio and didn’t know it! Most cases are actually not severe/paralytic and many children recover completely, but post-polio syndrome could partly account for his trouble with muscle mass and easy fatigability years later.

I will always repost this. 

THE DREAM

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

alloverthegaf:

aight fuckers I’m doing it I’m spending a full $4 to watch the first lotr movie, for the first time

so like I get, you know, power and malice and cruelty were ‘poured’ into the rings, but like. what did they actually put in those things. what fuckin gold gives a ring malice. why did the elves only get three.

holy shit it’s Agent Smith with pointy ears

this ring was made of weet-bix and nutri grain

it was in this moment, when all hope was lost, that issieldor-whoever took up his father’s sword –

I’M SORRY BUT I’M LAUGHING THE RING GIVES THE BIG BAD GUY LIKE DARK MAGIC AND A DEMON ARMY TO CONTROL BUT EESEELDOOR PUTS IT ON AND HE JUST TURNS INVISIBLE

holy shit I just experienced seven and a half minutes of introductory exposition by a mysterious lady who apparently thinks VERY little of hobbits

omg is this WHOLE movie exposition

it has been remarked by some that a hobbit’s only real passion

is for food

FOOD

a wizard is never late

says Ian McKellan, wishing he was Julie Andrews, Queen of Genovia

I know absolutely nothing about either of these two but I already fucking love their relationship it’s beautiful

OH SO BILBO’S THE FUCK THAT CAUSED ALL THOSE JUMP SCARES

image

oh shit son he’s got the ring and the golem voice

okay so that’s pretty fucking cute

apparently every hobbit has an instinctual urge to hug Ian McKellen and honestly? same

holy shit guys I’m not even 20 minutes in I’m gonna have to make multiple posts

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13